Mystic Falls Messenger
Sex, lies, and bimbo-dates…
Editor’s note: You know the day destroys the night, night divides the day, Ruthie tried to run, tried to hide, but her screencaps would break on through to the other side…okay, we had to get those lyrics in here somewhere! Thanks for sweatin out all those unclothed Damon pictures for us, Ruthie–we know it was an ordeal!
TEACHER UNDERGOES MEDICAL TESTING
Mystic Falls history teacher Alaric Salzman underwent extensive medical testing this week following his release from jail on murder charges. We spoke with his physician, Dr. Meredith Fell, who found no tumors or vascular anomalies to explain his behavior, but she vowed to continue to pursue the case. Little did she know Ric had spooky-eye company inside that MRI machine. Who was that glassy eyed devil Ric saw in his reflection that frightened him so? Ric’s young ward, Elena Gilbert was on hand anxiously awaiting the results. She and Dr. Meredith were both painfully aware that Ric’s release was not exactly warranted, discussing Meredith’s suspicions after Ric showed her his get-out-of-death-free ring. Her notorious busybody Grandmother Fell had told her the tale of crazy Samantha Gilbert and the secret journal. Meredith decided to protect Ric because 1) she’s a doctor that doesn‘t like to see someone hurt by something they have no control over, and 2) after meeting him, she [stammered around--lol] kinda wanted to help him. The question now seemed: which him, because it was obvious there was a ghost in the machine!
Elena told Ric the tests came back “normal”, which initially irritated him–of course he didn’t kill those people and shove a hunting knife in his own stomach. Unless he did and has gone insane, just like the former wearer of “his” get-out-of-death-free ring, Samantha. Should we start referring to these rings as Horcruxes? Ric refused to put the ring back on [editorial note: No, you can’t wear anything metal when you get an MRI, guess the zipper on his jeans was PLASTIC! Bwahaaa!]. Elena knew the rings were made by a Bennett witch, so maybe Bonnie (who was still not talking to her) could reverse the damage. Damon stopped by to tell Ric how bad he looked and suggest they “ditch this house of horrors”–but apparently neither he nor Elena offered him a ride home!
No, Damon and Elena were overheard arguing in the hospital parking lot about vampire pub-crawls, Chicken Soup for the Martini Soul, and Stefan instead of worrying about Ric. Damon had “made” Stef feed off the Nameless Innocent Blonde, because they’re (shhhh, nobody knows) vampire predators, not puppies, who need human blood to survive. No, we won’t go there with the little animals again this week, even though we got “unicorn” right after puppies in one breath! Stef built himself a delusional wagon he repeatedly falls off of, even though Elena thought he was managing just taking little “sips” from her—back when they were in love! Nope, what he needed was “self control”, but Elena thought Damon was a POOR teacher!
BLOOD DRIVE TURNS UP SHORT
You can take the vampire out of the shopping, but you can’t take the shopping out of the girl! Caroline and Bonnie were transition-sitting at Abby’s Cutesy Cottage in the woods. With nothing to do and Vampire 101 to teach, Caroline went on a shopping spree at the local Blood Bank for Abby. It was a steal! She showed up at home with some O negatives, some As, and her personal fave, B positive! Aren’t they cute? Abby wasn’t doing too well. Bonnie made her a daylight ring, but she just stood like a gnome in her garden. Little Mary Sunshine (ironic) Caroline tried to lighten the mood and suggested they all go inside for a *ahem* drink, but Abby was a total bummer. She can’t feel anything anymore–apparently witchy senses must appeal to her way more than heightened vampire senses.
After Abby went inside, it was Bonnie’s turn to teach Car a little Witch 101–witches are connected to the Earth, and it speaks to them. Why do your plants not bloom when you talk to them? Apparently you’re not doing the correct witchy chant, because Bonnie sure made that weed bloom right before Caroline’s eyes! When Abby became a vampire, she lost it–literally. No more witchy ju-ju Earth connection, and Bonnie didn’t know how to help her.
HISTORIC BRIDGE RECONSTRUCTION GETS OFF TO A FIERY START
Construction was well underway on the historic Wickery Bridge replacement project, with ceremonies presided over by Mayor Carol Lockwood (in a hard hat–not a good look for her, lol). Many of the townspeople turned out to mill around, including snooping Original Rebekah pumping the Mayor for info, as well as Damon, Dr. Fell, and slightly confused Alaric who wanted to know why they were there. Well, the world can’t stop just because he’s an accidental psycho killer! Plus, the MFHS History Department was “supposed” to be restoring the antique Wickery Bridge signage–but Ric um, forgot? A disappointed Mayor decided they could reveal it when the bridge is complete–good luck with that.
Also on hand was a blast from the past–Sage. While Meredith and Ric escaped the slightly awkward and uncomfortable, Damon stuck around to confront his former hottest teacher. This did not go unnoticed by Bex–bitch-mode ON! The two *ahem* girls verbally abused each other, but we discovered Sage’s passing interest in Mystic Falls–she heard Finn was free from the casket Klaus had been carting him around in for ages. Too bad he left town without telling a soul where he was going! Bex felt Finn had probably just forgotten all about Sage, since he never mentioned her, let’s all smirk at each other! When Bex trounced off, Sage confided to Damon that she hated that elitist Original Bitch. We forecast catfight!
Catching up on “old” times, Damon couldn’t BELIEVE Sage had a thing for Finn–except of course when she was overheard telling him Finn’s the one that turned her so they could be together forever, until Klaus made him Finn-in-a-box. She’d been waiting ever since. Did this story have a somewhat familiar ring to it? While on the subject of friends with benefits, Sage was relieved to hear Damon’s only involvement with Bex was hate sex–Bex and Klaus always treated her like dirt (we believe ‘peasant whore’ was the term–beating men for money notwithstanding). Damon confessed Bex was just lurking around trying to get something from him, and he’d been trying to figure out what it was. The older and wiser teacher Sage told him to get inside her head–after all, she may be an Original Vampire, but she’s still a “GIRL”–find her weakness and exploit it–Sage could find out! But Mom, it’s Shake-n-Bake, and I helped! Damon approves!
The Setup: Damon caught up with Rebekah over by the lemonade (ah, Uncle Mason visual reference) to flirt–she’s sexy when she’s bitchy! She had to get over being shooed away like a stray dog during the previous Brother Business in the alley–besides, she likes mean! Didn’t she just enjoy trying to crush Sage’s dream of true love–that was mean, too! Well, maybe she likes mean a little! Bait the hook! Damon hinted to Bex about a little get together with Sage. Two’s company, three’s a PARTY! Eyesex accompanied by a little hip graze and ear whispering! Chomp!
KNITTING FOR THE AWKWARD
Stef got caught in the act of having his morning bloodbag snack over at Stately Salvatore Manor–could he have looked more guilt-ridden? Elena thought no one was home, so she went to retrieve the book Stef had found that told the tale of Samantha Gilbert. He totally ruined the ending by telling her the outcome (they even do spoilers in the dialogue–guffaw!)–Samantha was committed to an insane asylum, tried to give herself a lobotomy with a knitting needle, and bled out in her cell. Same thing’s happening to Ric, and there’s nothing Elena can do. Well that’s certainly a fatalist attitude! After some really awkward glances and avoidances, Elena let him get back to ‘whatever he was doing’. Does the elephant in the room knit bloodbag booties?
GUILT POLICE MAKE ACCUSATIONS
Long lost once removed Bonnie faux-brother Jamie has apparently been living in Abby’s BARN for weeks, and he wasn’t real comfortable with the vampire sitch! Caroline tried to pry him outa his shell, offering to help tote firewood back to the main house. Jamie’s Welcome Wagon came complete with a chip on his shoulder and an axe. That never stopped do-gooder Caroline! Abby could have let herself die rather than transition, but she’s trying for him and for Bonnie, and needs all the support and normalcy she can get. Shame on you, Jamie! Now man up while she talked to Elena on the phone!
Wallowing in her own guilt, Elena called to catch up with Car–Bonnie wasn’t returning any of her calls (um, Abby’s been transitioning, she was a tad busy). AND the terrible situation with Ric really called for the help of a witch–could Bonnie not drop everything and rush right home?
READ YOUR RAP SHEETS INSTEAD OF THE MORNING NEWS
It was Meredith that escorted Ric back to the Gilbert House from the hospital. He passed the time reading her accumulated rap sheets on him–was he always an angry guy? Every incident had an explanation–one guy broke a beer bottle over a bartender’s head, another guy hit his girlfriend, one more….well, he was just a douche! Instead of taking up meditation, Ric had turned to vampire-hunting as a way of dealing with his Dark Side (Luke, I am your father). Meredith’s criminal history file was one case shy of a load–Ric confessed to staking cousin Logan. She took it in stride, and told him the vampire-thing wasn’t her fight. She uses their blood for what she needs, and left the judgment to everyone else. That confession may come back to stab her!
OWN IT, LIVE IT, LOVE IT
Damon caught Stefan in the act of stress eating, hanging over the blood cooler in the basement at Stately Salvatore Manor. Control, remember? Whether it’s blonde or bloodbag, the same principles apply! Stef was stressing about Damon’s convo with Elena that morning in the parking lot–aha! We confess to having to research that “sublimating” is:…to divert the energy associated with an unacceptable impulse or drive into a personally and socially acceptable activity. You been schooled! Damon just told Elena what she already knows. Stefan’s a vampire that drinks human blood–get over it! Same goes for Stefan–own it, live it, love it! Stop being ashamed of who he is! Well, Stef would appreciate it if next time Damon talked to Elena, he keeps him out of it! Fine with Damon, and by-the-by, unless Stef wanted to be part of a sage-Rebekah sex sandwich, he should make himself scarce!
COMFORT FOOD CONTROVERSY
Caroline’s little lecture with Jamie got him into the house, where Bonnie was attempting to cook–maybe she’s good at potions, but apparently she has no faith whatsoever in her culinary skills! Jamie decided he should be there for Abby since she’d always been there for him, so he brought two WHOLE logs in to start a fire. This must have been Abby and Jamie’s first face-to-face since she’d turned, and emotion ruled. They started hugging it out, BUT! Jamie just smelled SO DAMN DELICIOUS Abby had to take a bite. Talk about Cold Comfort Food Farm! Bonnie had to break them up with a little mindbullet shot to Abby‘s head, and everybody stepped back looking aghast!
Abby ran out of the house, closely followed by Bonnie, trying to explain that this kind of thing happens a lot at first–here, drink these bloodbags, they’ll help! Abby just wanted to hightail it, before she hurt anyone else (besides, that’s her MO of avoidance, just run away). Bonnie told her the only way she would hurt her was to leave (again). Meaningful mother-daughter looks were exchanged, and Car dropped into the convo to let them know she’d cured Jamie with a little vamp blood. Ah, thanks so much, now Car needed a favor (or rather, Elena does)!
SOCIETY NEWS–MISSING MUSICIAN
A very private party was held at Stately Salvatore Manor, featuring the musical stylings of some anonymous anemic piano player–he’ll be missed! He could make those ivories sound just like a studio mix of The Kills playing “Future Starts Slow”! The guests included the devilishly dark Damon, master seductress Sage, and the “victim of honor” Rebekah. Sage knew Damon had baited Rebekah’s craving for affection and her pathological fear of being left alone, and it lured Bex right in!
We interrupt this recap for DAMON’S ADVICE TO THE LOVEWORN: If your imaginary boyfriend strings you along for over 900 years without calling, um, give up, he’s just not that into you. Reminded that he himself carried a torch back in the day, for Katherine, the second “Sage” piece of advice: Hope’s a bitch. Get out while you can.
Ding dong! The sweet chime of desperation didn’t arrive empty-handed—bringing a vintage bottle her brother Nick stole from some old dead queen. Time to get this party started! Don’t you wish you had that latest Sage wine opener? Ignore the corkscrew, just rip the neck right off of the bottle and dive right in! Time for the suggestive gyrating, bumping, and grinding, just to get Bex in the mood. She was busying herself with snacking on our ill-fated piano player when Damon strolled over to suggest a “duet”.
Nothing like sharing a meal to whet your sexual appetite! ‘I just love the way your lipstick tastes. Is it O-positive?’ Boy knows how to work a room AND a woman! What about Sage? “I don’t want her. I want you.” Now who could turn down an offer that good? Evil Sage just wanted to WATCH!
[The pressroom got extremely agitated at this point with commercial interruptions and other storyline sidetracking, since it was OBvious somebody was getting naked and we were missing all the good stuff! Oh, the perils of primetime network television!]
DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
(or town, or sanity, or life)
While we were fidgeting, Ric was methodically laying out to Elena his bank accounts, passwords, where to find his will, and how to contact his family, “just in case”. That sounded ominous! She was unwilling to listen, but he needed know that she and Jeremy would be okay. While Elena reassured him that everybody was gonna be fine, Caroline called. Abby thought Bonnie could reverse the damage [to Ric] with a spell. Said the same thing happens to witches who become obsessed with Dark Magic (Secret Circle, anyone?). They lose control and start acting out their darkest impulses Car was gonna hang with Abby, but Bonnie was on the way. Hmmm. Elena and Bon haven’t talked since–yeah, right. Bonnie actually got on the phone with Elena, just to ask for a personal effect of Alaric’s, something he hadn’t had on since he got the Horcrux. Elena would get it, but since they’re finally talking, she’s SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING. Be ready to do the spell as soon as I get there, bye! Click. Elena filled Ric in on the deets; well, there’s always his wedding ring. Over at his loft. Okay, awkward. Meredith “suggested” he stay there with her and Elena go get the ring from it’s cobweb encrusted aspirin bottle in the dresser by the kitchen. Especially since he was “tranquilized” and all!
SHEET DRAPING AS AN ART FORM
Finally! By the time our investigative paparazzi was able to scale the wall to peer in Damon’s bedroom window, we missed all the good stuff! DRAT! We got there just in time to get a great eyeful of mancandy and catch Sage sneaking in the room to find out how things went. Evidently outstanding, because Bex had rolled over and gone to sleep post-coitus! She sleeps LIKE THE DEAD, since her vamp-hearing didn’t even notice Sage tippy toeing over to the bed in her Nazi-boots to rummage around in her brain!
A silent convo and devious looks took place between *sigh* Naked Damon and Sage–they should go into the shower and turn on the water so they could “talk”! Hahaha! That’s a great idea for an interview! That trick of reading your subject’s mind with your tongue was amazing! Sage does give lessons, right? We digress. Damon got a two-fer, bwahaaa, and found out what was in Bex’ open-book mind. White Oak tree, new tree to replace the old, got cut down, milling ledgers, Salvatores, hey, Damon, got wood?
QUICKIE BOOK REVIEW
Well THAT was fast. There’s a new librarian in town, and he wears nuttin’ but a towel! Oh, to be a fluffy white towel in Damon’s bathroom! *sigh* He was immediately downstairs scouring the bookshelves for old Salvatore milling records. All the many family fortunes are documented on the shelves of the Salvatore library, it just had to be there somewhere! Damon instructed Sage to go back upstairs and keep Bex distracted.
How convenient for a little girl-talk. But there it was–1912 Salvatore Milling Company ledger (he just happened to pick the right one) detailing the cutting and milling of a great White Oak for…wait for it…The Wickery Bridge! Damon couldn’t believe his eyes!
EVIDENCE REVEALED
Elena made her way over to Ric’s loft to retrieve the wedding ring, but got beat there by Stefan. Ric told him she was on her way there, and he wanted to explain his coldness earlier in the day. He didn’t want to hurt her, he just couldn’t be with her right now–not in control. Well that was a huge, sad admission on his part! He also did some more digging, and found a few newspaper articles about Samantha. Seems she murdered a nurse and a guard while institutionalized–on suicide watch. No personal effects, no jewelry. Uh-oh. So this means the violent behavior can happen even if the person is no longer wearing the Horcrux? Oh, My Potter!
Even though Ric told Elena exactly where to look for his wedding ring, she seemed to enjoy pilfering through his underwear drawer looking for it. She and Stefan have some unusual bonding habits, indeed! He stood back and belittled Bonnie’s unspelling plan, that it might already be too late. He tried to convince her everybody wasn’t her responsibility, and not everybody can be saved. Double meanings, much? She’s not planning on giving up on either Ric or Stefan! Meaningful looks were exchanged. Always the chivalrous one, Stef stepped in to bully open a stuck drawer Elena came across. Pop goes the weasel, the ring is there, but so are a stalker drawer full of pictures of Ric’s murder victims!
…along with the gruesome crime scene shots was a manila envelope addressed to Jeremy containing what looked like the hand-written Vampire Slayer’s Guide to the Universe and a handwritten note:
“Jeremy: If anything happens to me, carry on my work. You have the other ring. Let the ring make you strong. The Council must be cleansed before the work can begin.”
And a roster of current Founders Council members, the first name being Meredith Fell. On closer inspection, the list revealed a bunch of names we’d never heard of before, not even the highlighted ones, but it did clear up one point. The targets aren’t Founding Families, they’re Founder’s Council. Elena grabbed the wedding ring out of the cobwebby aspirin bottle and they were outa there!
BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE (AND SOMEBODY ELSE, TOO)
Back at the Gilbert House, we’re not exactly sure why Meredith was on a “let’s keep Ric awake” bender, but while she was busy making coffee, Ric had drifted off in a chair. Oh! That’s the reason! When he woke up, he was *ahem* not himself!? He got up to stretch his legs, right into the other room where Meredith’s handy-dandy tranquilizer syringes were conveniently laying out in the open, and promptly emptied every last one! Who was gonna clean up that mess? That sinister glassy eyed monster.
Meredith was being all domestic trying to find things in a foreign kitchen, and offering to make sandwiches. She was clueless as to who/what just lurked in the kitchen behind her. Oh, snap! Laying right there on the island was one of those damned Gilbert WMD knives for PsychoRic (personalized handle for psychotic, as opposed to his Kalaric nickname the LAST time he got possessed) to scarf right up. Small talk, small talk. BTW, unless our storyline changes drastically, no one is EVER gonna care as much about Meredith hating mustard as they do about Elena hating pickles, just sayin! PsychoRic proceeded to ask if Meredith never felt remorse, since she was a Council member–a Council formed to protect the town from vampires, and here they were just looking the other way, ignoring their responsibilities. AT LAST! MOTIVE! Her and her vampire-blood healing. Does she ever feel REMORSE? Because she should. She’s gonna feel this! LUNGE!
SLASH! Broken cups, busted glass (no, don’t run out the front door that was RIGHT THERE when you fled past the empty tranquilizer syringes, run upstairs where you can be easily cornered in the Jack-n-Jill bathroom), murderer in hot pursuit. Well, he DID kinda cut off her escape route to the front door, but she got him a good one with her foot on the way up the stairs. Damn these old houses! Who has three, count ‘em, THREE doors into the bathroom to secure? She almost made it, but he got his hand in the last one before she could close it. I know we ALWAYS keep a handy pair of scissors in our bathroom, just in case we need to bury them in some PsycoRic’s hand just for privacy! But alas, he had gotten her a good one with the knife during the struggle! That’s gonna leave a mark!
KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE…
Following Rebekah’s departure from the “party” (how rude, she didn’t even stay the night–that was a drive by!), Damon got busy burning the ledger evidence in the fireplace. Still in the towel. Yes. Excuse us. ANYWAY! In 1912 the Salvatore Milling Company chopped down a forest, the most valuable wood being from an old White Oak tree that was used to make the Wickery Bridge. Are ya all caught up now, Sage? Damon was burning the non-public record, hoping Bex would be chasing tail, um, her tail for a long time looking for it.
Sage was quick on the analysis–all the wood stripped from the underside of the bridge being reconstructed is basically a weapon that could kill an Original. And that’s a problem for her. Finn–Damon met him and wasn’t impressed. Oh, but Sage got all defensive and threatening. Let’s Make A Deal! Sage helps Damon kill Rebekah, Damon considers Finn untouchable and the couple can ride off into the sunset. Promise? (Threat.)
After dressing (boo!), Damon came back downstairs looking for Sage to go Kill Originals–but she was GONE! That bitch!
THE BEST ‘LAID’ PLANS
We did report a fiery start to the Wickery Bridge project–cue the screaming tires of a blue Camaro, late in the night. That wasn’t a MFHS bonfire, it was Bex, burning the wood salvage down at the construction site, and Damon was too late to stop it! Damon’s best ‘laid’ plans always seem to get ruined. She was sorry to disappoint him, he ‘came’ too late, again. Buh-bye, Bex. While she was blowin Damon a raspberry and sashaying off into the night, here was yet another bitch to rub it in Damon’s face!
Sage, set-up artist extraordinaire. He TOLD her he would save her creepy boyfriend! But she reminded him that tongue mind-reading went both ways–she’d read FROM him about the Originals all being linked. She knows if one dies, they all die. That totally pissed Damon off, enough to END her right then and there! He had her by the throat, but 900-year-old bitches aren’t that easy to end–smash and reverse! She wasn’t about to risk Finn’s life for one of Damon’s petty revenge fantasies. We don’t know why she didn’t “read” this, too, but Damon spilled about Finn’s suicidal tendencies–his volunteering to die to extinguish all the Originals at once. Finn didn’t want to live, not for Sage, not for anyone. Finn doesn’t love you, Sage! Now she’s done it. When Damon finds out how to kill those Originals, he’s startin with Finn, just for her!
CONTROL THIS
Stefan and Elena returned to the Gilbert House from their little scavenger hunt and immediately sensed something was amiss. Stef headed toward the kitchen, where he immediately stumbled on the broken shards of Meredith and Ric’s little Remorse discussion. Here came Ric nonchalantly strolling down the stairs (wrapping his hand in a towel to staunch the blood). Elena was quick on the uptake–um, where’s Meredith? Well, she got called back to the hospital for a quick surgery, she’ll be back soon. Convenient. Oh, and Ric broke a cup and cut himself trying to clean it up, hence the towel. Right. We still have swampland in Louisiana for sale. He inquired if Stef caught up with her over at the loft–NOW is the time for lying, and she did! Stef didn’t catch her, and she didn’t find the ring.
Ric just couldn’t come up with an excuse for the bloody knife laying at the foot of the stairs, and just as he was about to attack Elena, BAM! Stef headlocked him from behind, choking him into unconsciousness. Yes, he knows his own strength! Safe! Wait a minute. Stef’s spidey senses were tingling, and so was his nose! He asked Elena to come upstairs with him, he might need her help. A man that knows what he needs and how to ask for it!
There was poor Meredith, awash in a pool of her own blood on the bathroom floor. Elena rushed to her side, Stef’s eyes got all veiny, and we got SKEERED! Just as the fangs popped, he chomped his own wrist and fed the blood to Meredith. Elena silently congratulated him with her eyes, and he remained as long as he could take it before fleeing the scene. We’re so proud of you for your control, Stefan!
BY THE LIGHT OF DAY
No, Damon was NOT watching Ric sleep, hahaha! Ric woke up in one of the Gilbert bedrooms with a house arrest-lite guard. Bonnie had been there to work her magic (we know not yet whether it is, was, or will ever work), and Damon was there to make sure she didn’t turn him into a toad or a block of salt! Just a little spell to keep the Killer in Ric at bay. The plan was, they were gonna pack up some of Ric’s stuff and go hang at his loft–just like old bromance times! Where’s Meredith? Damon told her she’d be fine. Poor Ric’s just so sad and confused.
Meanwhile, Elena was cleaning up the aftermath downstairs, and Bonnie walked in the kitchen to hug it out. Abby had said all the dying and coming back may have chipped away at Ric’s psyche, making it easier for The Darkness to take hold. Bonnie prescribed binding spell herbs, twice a day, take 600 aspirin, and call her next year. No, really. Bonnie seemed falsely happy, announcing that she and Abby were gonna work on their garden. Elena tentatively inquired how Abby was doing, with Bon seemingly content that the transition was hard, but she thought it was gonna be okay. Once again, Elena’s sorry, she didn’t want any of this to happen, there was nothing she could do–ending in a great big sisterly hug and forgiveness. Hmmm.
HELP WANTED
Not only do we need a new traveling pianist, but Caroline’s in desperate need of a manicure after helping Jamie tend the Witch Garden. Gloves, Caroline, gloves! Aww! Isn’t that cute, they made friends and Jamie learned the valuable lesson that Vampires Are People, Too! He finally came to the conclusion that Bonnie was really lucky to have a friend like Caroline. One who could truly empathize with losing a parent, not so successfully, to the life of the immortal.
Car heard Abby astir in the kitchen, so went inside to see about her–just in time to catch her writing her sayonara note. Always the best speeches, that Caroline! Abby said she didn’t know how to do “this”. Be a vampire, or be a parent? Car could teach her about being a vampire, about self-control, but being a parent, well, that’s all her. Bon grew up without a mom because Abby ran away once, and now that there was ALL ETERNITY to make up for it…no one is better off without their parent. Please! Just stay! Nope. She ran.
A REAL BLAST FROM THE PAST
After their hugfest and Bonnie’s departure, Elena looked around her kitchen. She can clean up the broken shards, wipe off the blood, take town the crime scene tape (should the Gilbert Kitchen not be papered in that stuff, am I right?), but she can’t clean up her life. Up in her cubby window, she made a fateful phone call. Jer. Long lost Jer. *sniff* He’s doin good in school, and he got a dog *cough cough* (we’re still not sure about something, so we’re gonna let sleeping “dogs” lie for the moment).
Elena kinda backed in to, um, has he talked to Alaric lately? That sorta got Jer’s attention, is everything okay? Yeah, everything’s fine (that lying is hard to stop once you start). She just wanted to hear his voice (along with about a million other females). Jer was actually just on his way out with some friends, and offered to call her later. Of course, go out, go have fun, she just misses him. Wistful I miss you, too. Methinks he suspects something’s afoot, but he just can’t pin down why. [Our reporter left a box of Kleenex on the sill for Elena.]
AND THE ACADEMY AWARD GOES TO…
We don’t know WHAT Damon did with his prisoner, but he returned to Stately Salvatore Manor to find Stef day drinking–bourbon this time, he’s getting the hang of this moderation thing! He was just having a little toast to CONTROL. Hey, if Stefan’s happy, Damon’s happy. What was that mystery package Damon was toting in? And why was he in such a good mood, since Sage double-crossed him, the tree’s a pile of ash, and Alaric’s got a psychopathic alter-ego?
Because Damon’s a philanthropist, making the world a better place. Restoring bridges, landmarks and [drum roll, please] historical signs made of the same White Oak as Wickery Bridge. Stef jumped to his feet. They think all the wood burned! Damon so SOLD that rage performance–Stef shoulda seen him! He has a weapon! GAME ON, BROTHER! THE SALVATORES UNITED!
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