Mystic Falls Messenger

Mystic Falls Messenger

It may be the Murder of One, but bodies turned up all over the place this week, in various states of decomp! Fasten your seatbelts! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

Editor’s note: We’re apologizing right up front for mixing tenses in our prose this week, but we needed CPR before reporting could even begin! Thanks again to Ruthie for enduring all the suffering to bring you this week’s screencaps!

DO IT YOURSELF AT HOME

Always start any home workshop project with a little Elena coffee and whatever (chocolate muffins?) delivery to Ric’s loft–but don’t let her in! Damon answered the door and badgered her about being all paranoid and control freaky, after all, Ric was indecent but fine this morning. He wasn’t hiding anything from her, not him! He got rid of her by suggesting she was trying to convince herself she was still mad at him, but Ric was on lock down and all, have-a-great-day-thanks-for-coming-by! Well she didn’t like that one little bit, but left anyway.

Damon’s little vamp ears were intently listening. Walking down the stairs, opening front door, and…Go! Ric was making stakes out of the Wickery Bridge sign. With Stefan. Who’s been pilfering from Klaus’ toolshed–was that Klaus’ mitre saw they were using? Maybe the petty larceny should have extended to a “couple” more items. That might come back to stab someone in the gut later (pun intended). Ric was on saw duty, Damon was “fine tuning“, and Stefan micromanaged Quality Control. Make those points sharper–he’s not gonna miss because Damon can’t whittle worth a damn!

Once Ric’s work was done, he decided to go turn himself in for killing Bill Forbes, and nearly killing Dr. Meredith. Hold on there just a minute, cowboy! The herbs are working, we have Originals to kill, and Klaus needs to die, so you are NOT turning yourself in. Damon has the Horcrux. Put the ring on, Ric. It’s the reason you’re alive–going vampire hunting…wear it. And he put it on.

MEETING OF THE CRYPTIC ORDER OF THE SCOOBIES

Elena and Caroline went out for a purposeful stroll in the woods. It was high time that Elena clued her in that Ric killed her dad. Car freaked a little at first, regardless of the herbs keeping Ric’s dark side at bay. It’s not okay, but Ric was the victim of something supernatural. He was a victim, just like Bonnie’s mom, Stefan, Tyler, or even Caroline herself. None of them asked for it. Who would Elena be if she just turned her back on any of them? Elena Gilbert, Savior of the Cursed and the Damned (she gets a couple of titles and books bestowed on her this week!). Caroline got it.

Along came Matt, questioning the cryptic secret meeting of the partial Scooby Gang reunion text. Right on cue, Stef an and Damon arrived. Bonnie was AWOL due to Abby bailing. Or what else, we might ask? Whatup?

Damon announced they found some more white oak–long story, wait for the movie. What? The Bros have a weapon that can kill Klaus? Nope–not “A” weapon, they ALL have a weapon. Zoom to the gym bag of DIY projects!

A SHORT TIME AGO IN A GALAXY/CITY FAR, FAR AWAY…

Bloodhound-hybrid Klaus found Finn strolling the streets of some fair city. Where’s mom, dude? Gone to find another way to end their abominable lives. When she does, Finn’s gonna play sacrificial lamb…again. How fortunate Klaus found him first! Klaus required his assistance. If I die, you die and all. Klaus needed his big brother back in Mystic Falls for a little unlink spell. He would come back or get an instant replay of Finn-in-a-Box. Finn got all ‘do it, bro! You may not feel the effects of the dagger but you’d lose your precious Rebekah.’ Yes, well, it wouldn’t be the first time Klaus had to do without her.

Finn attempted a down the alley escape, right into Rebekah. She sided with Klaus. He stored them in boxes, but he’s not trying to make them extinct. Caught in the middle of a sibling sandwich, Finn asked whataya gonna do, kill me? Yeah. Finn and his Death Wish 2012. A couple of wall slams and some self satisfying looks subdued the eldest Mikaelson for transport!

INSIDE THE OUTDOOR ACTORS WORKSHOP (without James Lipton)

The Partial Scooby Gang was engaged in a little ad-lib actors workshop–who made Stefan in charge? Here’s the stage: Klaus was always one step ahead of them. Now they got wood (bwahaaa). They’re all armed and the Originals are all linked. They only gotta take out one.

Scenario #1:

The Players: Elena (as Klaus)

Caroline (as Rebekah)

Matt (as The Beefcake)

Stefan (as The One Shot)

Rebekah is the target. They distract her, and keep Klaus separate and occupied. Caroline? (Stefan showed off his Cheshire cat smile.) Why does SHE always have to be Klaus bait? Because Klaus is obsessed with her, that‘s why. But in this scenario, Caroline’s portraying Rebekah, with our fearless Quarterback to distract her (by keeping Bex talking). Matty needed his motivation which Damon provided. Act interested. She’s lonely and desperate. Cue Caroline, with the snarky “Clearly. She slept with YOU.” Beefcake holds Bombshell, Damon comes up from behind, grabs her arms like “this” OW!, which gives Stef time for one shot. Done and done! Take a bow!

So! They all have one stake, they keep it hidden, and look for any opportunity they have. No last minute attacks of pity, either (Elena)! Don’t worry about her! Not after what happened to Bonnie’s mom (really, that’s the ONLY reason you’d be pissed enough to kill them off, bloodbag?) Barbie? She’s ready. Anything to free Tyler from the sire-bond. Lost boy? Does Matt have a choice? Good point. They have 12 stakes, 12 shots at killing one Original. They can DO this. Yeah. Right. Is this the Dirty Dozen?

Scenario #2:

The Players: Elena (as The Marksman)

Matt (as Klaus)

Elena, grab the crossbow. Ready, aim, rehearse!

CAPTURE YOUR KODAK MOMENTS

Bex and Klaus pitched Finn unceremoniously in the entry hall back at home. Bex was bored, she wanted Klaus to gather his witch (hmmm), get Finn’s blood and get this over with. Finn stated the obvious: They can’t force him to help them. Well, Klaus most likely could, but why force when he can persuade?

There was Sage, slinking down the stairs. Just like a slo-mo run through the meadow straight into each other’s arms. A Kodak moment. True love prevails–Rebekah looked like she wanted to puke. Well, true love does have it’s uses, and it was easier than torturing Finn. About this time, Klaus got a text from Kol.

“Let me know when I’m needed.” Handy hybrid handwriting text reply, “I will.” Thou shalt not covet the Origibrid’s cell phone apps! Bex had people to do and places to be, what did Klaus need from her? Just her blood, and her blessing. Rebekah had unfinished business with Damon, business that Klaus could ask Sage about. Then he’d understand why retribution was in order.

MOONSTONE MEMORIES

We caught Damon digging through the woodpile by the fireplace in his bedroom. Ric chastised him thoroughly for where he was hiding ‘his’ stake. Vaguely reminiscent of Ye Olde Moonstone in the Soap Dish. Oh, yeah? Where did Ric put his, Mr. Smarty Pants? This became a very pregnant question later on.

Was that noises we heard somewhere else in Stately Salvatore Manor? Damon went to check. Warily crept downstairs. Followed by Ric flying down to hit the landing behind him. Swoosh! Bex! With a stake in Damon’s gut! Hello, lover.

TOURISTS IN MYSTIC SQUARE

Back in town, Elena left a voicemail for Bonnie. Call somebody, will ya? Matt and Car discussed how Mr. Salzman was like the most normal guy in town. Elena wondered if it was weird that Bonnie’s not returning her calls. Matt: “Is it weird that Klaus’ brother is in the middle of the town square?” There were Finn and Sage walking, and talking.–with Car eavesdropping.

Sage was asking if Finn could guess why she dragged him out there? Was this where the natives used to make sacrifices to their gods? Yes, silly, but the statue is where they used to meet, back when Finn had to sneak away from his siblings to talk to his peasant whore. Finn figured after 900 years Sage would have moved on. Oh, she took care of herself (in every way). But she never stopped loving him. She doesn’t want him to die. This to the self-proclaimed Original Martyr.

EX USED TO MEAN EX

Stef got a phone call from Elena as he arrived home. Matt and Car were keeping a lookout downtown. Elena told Stef about Finn’s presence with some ex-GF or something. Ex GF? Guy’s been in a coffin for the last 900 years, where the hell would he dig up a girlfriend? Oh wait. Gotta be Sage. Don’t engage! Stay away from her! She’s very old and strong and Elena wouldn’t stand a chance. Elena huffed that Stefan should get Damon and get down there, pronto! Cue Ric groaning as he got up from the landing where Bex had thrown him. Stefan was still on the phone (so Elena took all this in). What the hell happened to you? Rebekah happened. I think we have a problem (to Elena). Ya think?

DEXTER MORGAN SCHOOL OF SERIAL KILLING

Picture this: Bear traps (Bex found ‘em in the shed–told ya they should have swiped them). Hung by chains from the ceiling. Plastic sheeting on the floor (mustn’t stain the wood)! Damon dangling by his wrists. Rebekah wondering what kind of monster would trap a poor defenseless animal. Still frisky as ever, Damon replied, “You gotta admit, even for me it’s a little kinky.” Rebekah was on a mission: Damon pretended to be interested in her, and then slept with her, so trampy friend Sage could steal her thoughts. Ever since then she’d felt this incessant need to one-up him. So she decided to bleed the vervain from his system. RRRRIIIPPP! That was a nice shirt, but what was underneath was nicer! Ooh, knife across the pecs!

Wait! Bex wants to compel Damon to be her boyfriend? No, actually she’d rather compel him to kill his brother. Or Elena. But, since vampires heal, bleeding him may take a while. They should probably stick to the major arteries. She went straight for the jugular.

Enter Klaus. Well. Look what you caught. Trying to bleed him of vervain? Don’t you think it would be easier to hang him upside down? Rebekah’s perfectly capable of inflicting pain, thank you very much. Well EXCUSE Klaus. It’s not like he had any expertise in the matter. Rebekah just wanted to be left to her playtime and for Nik to go and manage his witch. Exit. Now, where were we?

Kicked out of the torture ballroom, Klaus strolled into the parlor. Tick tock, he should hear chanting by now. It’s Bonnie (why are we not surprised?). She was studying the unlinking spell in somebody‘s grimoire, and it’s not that easy. Especially under duress. Klaus warned her, if she was looking for a way to send for help he will kill anyone who came to her rescue. She doesn’t know if she’s strong enough. Have a little more faith in yourself, Bon. Her energy helped Original witchy mother link Klaus’ siblings.

Maybe she wasn’t trying very hard. Very well. Klaus provided a little incentive and placed a phone call for Bonnie‘s benefit–Kol, how’s the mile-high city (aka Denver)? And our friend and his dog (aka Jeremy and a fun-loving golden retriever)–on livevid. Adorable. Thanks, Kol. We’ll be in touch. So! How ‘bout that spell?

KILLERS CONFESS

Car came into Stately Salvatore Manor to find Ric resting on the couch. She’d heard he had a run-in with Buffy the Vampire. He’ll live. Why’s she there? Guard duty checking up to make sure he’s still him. He’s himself. Of course, both Ric and PsychoRic would say the same things, soooo… Which was why Elena sent over with Caroline a NOT so alcohol-laced decanter of witchy herbs for his drinking pleasure.

Kinda looked like cat pee. Blech! Apparently tasted as bad as it smelled. Elena told Car everything, so it ‘twas time for a heart-to-heart, or should we say killer-to-killer. An extremely remorseful Ric apologized for taking her dad’s life. Our little smart Barbie had time to process the info, and made the wise decision–we just love Caroline!

She explained to Ric how she murdered an innocent right after she turned…and she liked it. Whether it’s her dad’s blood on Ric’s hands or somebody who may have been a dad on her hands, they’re both killers. She’s gonna take a page from The Elena Gilbert Handbook and believe that Ric can be saved. Okay?

MYSTIC GRILL PATIO HEATS UP

Elena caught up with Stefan walking through the patio at The Grill, asking how Ric was doing–just banged up, and Caroline’s over there to make sure he stays “himself”. Matt was on Finn-tail duty, and texted Stef that Finn was inside The Grill. Stefan fired up to plan their next move, but Elena went all wait! Rebekah has Damon, that should be their next move. No they had to stay on point! See an Original, kill an Original. That was the plan and Stefan was sticking to it!

Yeah, before Damon’s life was hanging [ironic choice of words] in the balance. Stef understood Elena was concerned about Damon (you could see the hurt in his eyes), but if Damon knew they were even discussing this, he would lose his mind! Elena countered that if this were switched, Damon would stop everything and save Stef. Stefan knew what his brother would want. Even if Elena thought what he would want and what they should do were two different things. Heated eye lock standoff. Was Elena gonna help with this or not? Okay. Stefan would figure it out himself. He left Elena standing there wrestling with her thoughts.

HELL HATH NO FURY

We were privy to the innermost workings of the elder Salvatore’s tortured mind–holy hotness! Picture this: Damon’s just “hanging around” bleeding out. In his stupor, He hears footsteps on the hardwood and raises his glassy eyes. Elena comes swimming into view. Unbelievable! What is she doing there? Damon can barely speak to warn her away. But Elena wants to know what to do, which is open the traps binding his hands to the chains…carefully. Barely alive, Damon slumps over onto Elena’s supportive shoulder as she frees first one and then the other of his hands. Supporting his bloodied frame with her tiny body, she half drags him out of the room and into the darkened hallway. She keeps urging him on as he struggles to stay upright, but they eventually collapse in a crumpled heap in front of a fireplace. She has to make him focus!

Grabbing his face in her hands, she tells him firmly to look at her–she’s is NOT going to leave him! He’s fading fast, and she knows it. She desperately puts her wrist to his mouth, knowing he needs her lifesaving blood, pleading for him to drink. He can barely focus to meet her eyes, but surrenders his will to hers and they lock gazes while he begins to take just enough of what he needs to survive. His murky blue pools intertwined with the depths of her brown doe eyes. He’s drowning. He only takes a little…their eyes searching each other’s faces tenderly….WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT’S THIS SOFT FOCUS LIGHTING ALL ABOUT? IT’S A VICIOUS MIND-PLANT BY REBEKAH! WE WERE ROBBED!

This mean tease brought to you by Rebekah, The Woman Scorned (hell hath no fury like her). Complete with cleavage down to there (props to Ian Somerhalder for tweeting us this was the opening ceremony for National Cleavage Day)! She was just showing off The Girls, and mentally torturing him, along with the physical torture. He managed to choke out what a bitch she was, and even though addled, it wasn’t torture, he was having a pretty good time in that hallucination. Even if he had so little vervain (or blood) left in his system that she could now get into his head. Bex is pissed about the Sage mind-reading trick, and hopes Damon is nicer to Elena than he was to her. What? Damon can’t believe he hurt her THAT bad, did she REALLY think he had a thing for her? She couldn’t meet his eyes. Going one step beyond as Damon usually does, he told her he’d probably be desperate for attention if Klaus bossed him around for a thousand years, too. Oh, that did it! Talk about a turn of the knife. YEOW!

In the other room, Bonnie finally could hear Damon’s tortured cries, and asked Klaus what it was. Nunya. As in Nunya business you got work to do, witch. We don’t know how Klaus got his hooks [read: fangs] into Bonnie in the first place, but she read him off. It’s not right the way he uses people to get what he wants! Klaus turned on the faux empathy, knowing it’s been rough for Bonnie, with her mother leaving and all. He can help her find Abby–oh, here come the not-so-veiled threats. He knows a man who knows a man–he can bring Abby back. Whole, or in pieces, however she chose. Obvious he’s gonna continue hurting the ones she loves until she does The Spell. He knew it was in the grimoire she was studying, knew it required the blood of the siblings, and the gang’s all here (in vials)! Elijah, Rebekah, Kol, Finn (hmmm, wonder how he got Finn’s blood), all lined up in the palm of his hand. Oh, and the last one, mine. Lemme just mutilate my hand to get it for ya! Taste like chicken? Where do you want us? Such cheek! Bleed into the wineglass, m’dear!

HAPPY HOUR AT THE MYSTIC GRILL

It’s a TT! Tequila Thursdays are back at The Grill! Be sure to tip your waitstaff before Last Call (the VERY last), or they may just put the TIP in you! Sage treated Finn to his first taste of tequila–shots all around! It embarrassed Sage that Finn had never tried tequila before. It embarrassed US that vampires put the salt on their wrist rather than the back of their thumb-knuckle like mere mortals. Guess it adds to the flavor! Matt was playing Beefcake Watchdog, and Stef was over at another table vampire-eavesdropping. Sage had been busy, it’s not safe alone in Mystic Falls so she turned a little boy-toy Troy as back-up. Newly turned guest vamps with lines always fade to black! She introduced him to Finn, who was a little taken aback that she’d turned someone. Finn appears so moral, and the implication seems to us that Sage is the only one he ever turned? Maybe so, maybe not, it became a moot “point” anyway!

Busboy of the month Matt attempted to clean up the empties from Sage and Finn’s table and almost drew back a nub for his trouble! Ah, but Sage only asked for another round. Matty’s getting good at his acting skills–turned on the “we aim to please” charm, swept off the shot glasses, and swung by Stef’s table for a handy-dandy bottle of vervain without even blinking an eye!

EDITORIAL NOTE: Pardon our choppy reporting from this point forward; however, if we don’t report it like we saw it, nothing makes sense! Just think MTV editing and you’ll survive!

WHIPLASH WARNING!

While Bonnie was chanting and mixing an Originals Blood Cocktail at Fortress Klaus, Sage and Finn were still inside The Grill, discussing passion overtaking morals, and her living life to the fullest–slut! Stefan was cocked and ready, texting his cohorts to “Get ready.” Bonnie poured the cocktail into a gooey puddle in the middle of a circle of candles, still chanting (okay, she chants through the rest of the spell, okay?).

A handy-dandy anonymous waitress served Sage and Finn their next shot–mixed up handily by Matt. Spew! Vervain! Stef gave them the “come hither” eyebrow raise, and exited The Grill so they would follow. They’re gonna get that jerk! Klaus intently watched the spell goings on, as the goo-pool started separating into a pentagram (ahem, 5 points). See an Original, Kill an Original, Stef laid in wait just outside The Grill door, and made a lunge for Finn as they came outside. But with Sage in tow, Stefan got knocked aside and dropped his Original Stake down the steps to the alley!

Nos! The Spell was working–as the candles flamed up the pentagram of blood oozed into 5 separate tiny pools, all trying to escape each other. Does this mean…? In the alley, Finn grabbed up Stefan’s lost Stake, but just then, the back door of The Grill busted open to reveal Elena with the crossbow, closely followed by Matt. Always have a back-up plan!

Elena skewered Finn with the crossbow, and Matt showed his all-American fumble recovery skills by scooping up the Stake and plunging it into Finn’s chest! Ah, Matty, your rap sheet is growing by the episode! Sage gave up on attacking Stefan to run to her True Love, and since their work was done, our heroes escaped the scene to leave Finn to self-barbecue while Sage wailed. Little do our Heroes know the links are broken like a cheap charm bracelet! Where is that Tyler, anyway?

WITCH FLEES THE FORTRESS PRIME EVIL

As Bonnie’s “work” was done, Klaus escorted her to the door, just in time to catch Rebekah wiping her hands of the latest Damon assault. Laundry service! Think you’re gonna have to soak that towel! As Rebekah flippantly thanked Bonnie for her work and “see you in physics class”, she stepped aside so Bonnie could SEE where all the tortured crying out had been coming from. There was Damon, hanging by threadbare wrists, clinging to his undead life. Klaus smirked that he’d hurt Rebekah’s feelings, as Damon lifted his eyes to plead with Bonnie. Klaus taunted her to save the man that turned her mother, but she turned away and just wanted OUT! Damon’s head dropped to his chest in defeat.

CLUELESS MEETS LIFELESS

As the Partial Scooby Gang regrouped at Stately Salvatore Manor, they were met by Caroline. She’d given Ric his bottle (bwahaaa!) and he went home. Did it work? Did they kill Finn? Stefan was a tad smug, but he wasn’t going to pronounce it done until he saw Klaus’ dead body with his own eyes. Ring, ring! Bonnie calling! Whether it was guilt over leaving Damon hanging, remorse over performing the unlinking spell, fear for her life, fear for her loved ones, or general MY LIFE SUCKS AND I CAN’T DEAL ANYMORE, Bonnie made the timely and crucial call to fill in our clueless band of heroes.

Klaus had Damon, he forced her to do the unlinking spell, he threatened Jeremy, and Abby, it made no difference Finn was dead. Up to this point, we’d had Blood, Sweat, and here come the Tears! As she hung up on Elena, Bonnie sunk to the ground, crying rivers of guilt, fear, remorse, and emotion.

Finally! The Brotherly Love kicked in! Stefan had of course heard the entire convo with his super-vamp hearing, and his rage hit the breaking point. He’s mad as hell and he’s not gonna take any more! Screw the planning, Klaus needed to be dead! Anger gets things done. Elena was the one begging for regroup, but Stefan pronounced, “Klaus does NOT get to survive this, not after everything he took from me,” and stormed to the door to go rescue Damon, even though he doesn’t stand a chance against Klaus’ strength. Caroline missed well-adjusted Stefan.

Just as his body came violently flying back into the room! Sage (with temporary Troy in tow) had come to DEAL with Stefan. And she likes to go all ten rounds. What was happening? As Sage was ready to go in for the kill, her nose started spewing, she was coughing up blood (ewww!), and Stef could now block a 900-year-old vampress punch. She called out to temporary Troy for help, but he was suffering the same fate. Desiccation Dead! Looks like Damon’s gonna need another new rug!

Regrouping was definitely in order! Stefan, Caroline, and Elena sat back to analyze the facts. Sage and Troy died within an hour of Finn. Elena thought maybe they were bitten by a hybrid–naw, no teeth marks. Caroline thought maybe Sage died out of love for dead Finn–girl reads too many romance novels! lol The figurative light bulb went off over Stefan’s head. It’s the blood. The bloodline (FINALLY, somebody figured out what our readers have been speculating since the linking went into effect). Finn turned Sage, Sage turned Troy–all part of the same vampire bloodline that originated with Finn. Caroline asked the ill-fated question: So, when an Original dies every vampire turned from their bloodline dies along with them? Uh-oh. That means if The Originals die, the entire vampire species would be dead. Along with most of our heroes! Somehow these Death To Originals scenarios always end up leaving dental impressions on everybody’s posteriors!

GETTING OFF VERVAIN COLD TURKEY

All hope given up, Damon sagged from his chains at Fortress Klaus as a shadowy figure casually entered the room. This “rescue” went much different in Damon’s head. It was Stefan, with a gym bag full of stakes. Oh, Klaus! I’m here! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Which brought Klaus and Rebekah in to find out what he wanted. Let’s Make a Deal (that old game show has become a permanent fixture in our storyline).

Even dying, Damon couldn’t believe what Stefan was doing. Stef threw down the bag with 8 (count em, 8 ) white oak stakes. Rebekah hadn’t yet figured out about the signage stakes that hadn’t been burned. By the by, Finn’s dead. Stef wanted Damon in exchange for the last 8 weapons that can kill Klaus. Ah, too smart for our own good, Klaus wanted assurance there weren’t any more than eight. Stefan lied and said that was all BUT! Testing to see if there was enough vervain out of Damon’s system so he could now be compelled, evil! This was the worst torture yet!

Klaus went over to Damon’s limp frame and commanded him to LEAVE, and Damon bravely told him NO. But Klaus wasn’t taking no for an answer, so he forced Damon to look him in the eyes (NO!) and told him to Go Home–in his compulsion Damon valiantly tried to do just that. Stefan even had to look away as Damon very nearly ripped off his own hands to get free of the bear traps that held him. Oh, the inhumanity!

VAMPIRE DISPOSAL DUTY

…went to Caroline, not her strong suit, but she got rid of the remains of Sage and Troy. Stefan went where? Over to trade all of the stakes for Damon? Not all–he only took eight, Elena told her they still had enough left to kill off three of the remaining four Originals. If they can only figure out which one to leave. The girls got their heads together: Caroline was turned with Damon’s blood, Damon and Stefan were turned by Katherine, who was turned by Rose. Who turned Rose? [we’ll leave that to the editorial questions]

If the odds are in their favor, they can still kill Klaus and everybody lives (well, exists). May the odds be ever in your favor my ass! Caroline remembered. Not everybody. OMG. Tyler. If they kill Klaus then Tyler will die [but will he--more editorializing].

JUST IN THE NIK *wink wink* OF TIME

As Damon was about to separate himself from his digits, Klaus stepped in to stop him. Since Damon could convincingly be compelled now, how about those stakes? How many were there after Finn‘s, again? Damon couldn’t lie. Eleven. Stefan REALLY shouldn’t have lied. It would be nice if Stefan got them the other three, or maybe Klaus would just compel Damon to chew out his own tongue? Even semi-bad Stefan can’t figure out what is wrong with Klaus. Which angered our fiery Hybriginal. Has Stefan NO appreciation of what Klaus had done for him? Given him a target for all his pent-up anger and hatred instead of turning it inward on himself? Klaus did it as his FRIEND (oh, please). Stefan should really be thanking him instead of being ungrateful.

Well, we saw where ONE of the three stakes was. Stefan had it hidden on his person and lunged at Klaus with it, pinning him to the wall. Stake raised at the ready, Klaus chided Stefan to step down, or both he and Damon would die. With the uncertainty of the bloodline thing racing through Stefan’s mind, he surrendered Stake #9 to Klaus. Rebekah had enough playtime, and freed Damon–she brought him, she gets to release him. Bring them the stakes and the Bros live. Take Damon as a sign of good faith. Klaus threatened to wage a war against everybody Stefan loves unless they bring him the other two stakes (um, we thought he was doing a pretty good job of that already, but…). Damon’s on his knees in a pool of his own blood–help a brother out?

PICK A SIDE–AND WE DON’T MEAN FROM THE MENU

Since Bex grabbed the stake bag, she and Klaus retired to another room for a chat. She couldn’t believe Finn was dead. Klaus thought of him as an embarrassment (apparently everybody was embarrassed by Finn)–good riddance. Mind your tongue, he was still Klaus’ brother! He did sleep in a box longer than he lived as a man, and Klaus thought him a lovesick fool who is better off in death. Here we go! Is that how Klaus would speak of Rebekah if SHE died? She’s the one who turned the Salvatores loose with two stakes still out there. Just when did she get a soft spot for them? “The Salvatores may fight like dogs but in the end they would die for each other. At least they know what family means.“ Rebekah straddles the fence so much we just never know which side she’s gonna come down on! Klaus wanted a family, they didn’t want him. Now they’re unlinked, no longer responsible for each other, so he’s gonna get his stakes, nab Elena, and go make his own hybrid family. If Rebekah chooses to stay, she’s just as pathetic as Finn. This dysfunctional family has some serious issues!

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE LOVELOST MIND

Stefan made his way home, and was fiddling with one of the two remaining stakes as Elena walked in for a serious discussion. He hadn’t said much since he got back from the rescue–but he’d be a ball of sunshine as soon as Damon brought Ric’s stake back (wait, isn’t that Ball of Sunshine thing Caroline’s job?). At first they seemed to be really getting along. He really scared Elena, he wouldn’t have survived if he went up against Klaus on his own. Stef confessed she didn’t have to worry about that anymore, Klaus wasn’t worth it. He’s wasted all his time and energy hating Klaus for nothing. Klaus has won and Stefan’s right back where he started. Elena reminded him Klaus had dragged him through hell, but he’d come out the other side (FINALLY, an explanation of last week‘s epi title!). Stefan wanted her to consider what he’s lost in the process of “beating” Klaus by being the better man. Oh, here we go. Hating Klaus was easy, and Stefan had ignored everything around him and let it all slip away, including her. And now they have to deal with that. He just needed to hear Elena admit he’d lost her. She can’t, because it’s not true. She never stopped loving him. He knows that, even when he did everything possible to push her away. It’s all his fault.

He’s talking about the fact that she’s also in love with Damon. Ah, the elephant in the room lets out a tiny whimper. In an emotional parallel, Stefan declares he will always love her. But he just wants her to look him in the eye and tell him she doesn’t feel something for Damon. He cradled her face in his hand, they gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, and she hesitated. She doesn’t know what she feels. That was all the answer Stefan needed. We could hear his heart breaking. He sucked it up, picked up the stake, and left Elena standing there to ponder the truth of her own feelings.

DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT! AND DON’T GIVE IT TO A PSYCHO!

Damon showed up (still alive, for now) at Ric’s loft (and they left him alone why?) to pick up the remaining stake. Ric had stashed it behind the books on his shelf. Really? And he gave Damon a hard time about hiding his in the firewood? Oops. Um, where? Haha, very funny. Look harder. It was RIGHT THERE! It couldn’t just vanish into thin air? They frantically rummaged through the books. Who else did Ric tell where he hid it? The level of tension ratcheted up a bunch of notches. “I DIDN’T TELL ANYBODY, DAMON, I’M THE ONLY PERSON….” SMH He’s the only one that knew about it. Is Ric saying that he and his vampire-hating alter ego have a stake that can kill an entire line of vampires, possibly Damon’s? Exactly. [We knew Ric shouldn’t have put that damn Horcrux GetOutOfDeathFreeRing back on!]