Mystic Falls Messenger: TVD Recap Episode 3.20 “Do Not Go Gentle”

With his landscapes featured in The Hermitage, local artist in residence Klaus Mikaelson is rumored to be undertaking a vast wall mural at his palatial home, Fortress Klaus. MFM’s art critic got a glimpse, and it seemed a tad dark and morose for a landscape! Our interview with the artisan was interrupted by his tardy sister/mother, Rebekah/Esther. Apparently PsychoRic didn’t want to hand over the last of the White Oak Stakes, nicknamed The Doomsday Stake last edition. Bexter *wink* was successful, though. Such a charmer. Klaus did the honors and pitched the evil weapon in the fireplace. Or did he? But lo and behold, what will Mystic Falls do for culture in the near future?

Seems Klaus wanted Bexter to pack her bags so they could grab The Doppelganger and get outa town by sunset. This news did NOT sit well with the head of the decade dance committee! The figurative “we” have to go! Klaus got all pouty and stamped his foot—he wasn’t going. Bexter dangled a couple of carrots in front of him. Caroline will be there. Please? Go for me? Target: soft spot. Bullseye! Well, in that case….One last hurrah, Nik! Confidentially, we thought Bexter was gonna choke on using that Niklaus moniker!

THINGS ARE NOT 
WHAT
 WHO THEY SEEM

Our wiretap paid off with an irritated call from Damon to Alaric. He’d apparently been AWOL all day getting his head(s) together. Ric was clueless if Bexter got The Doomsday Stake, since he woke up alone (bwahaaa, hopin for Damon’s sloppy seconds) with no sign of The Stake. Ric decided he needed a secluded out-of-town getaway since he kept blacking out. He was a threat to everyone.

Damon was against the idea of a spirit quest (don’t we have enough out-of-body experiences, already)! Just a couple of days. Ric’s stocked up on Bonnie’s herbal essences so he should be fine. Buh-bye! Click! Where was Ric calling from? And what were all those shiny new coffins doing there? Bexter, that minx. She thought Ric quite the cunning liar. It’s PsychoRic! Damon’s too arrogant to think his only friend would betray him, just like Niklaus would blindly accept an invite from his beloved sister, unaware he’d walk into his own death.

What a couple. Psycho and Bexter, sittin in a tree, D.I.S.S.I.N.G. PsychoRic asked if she gave Klaus The Stake whilst she busied herself dipping a dagger in White Oak Ash. Yup, Klaus totally bought it, and burned it to a crisp. Where’s the real one? Bexter doesn’t like PsychoRic THAT much! He’ll get it when it can’t poke a permanent hole in THIS body—not the one inside the closed coffin. Bexter had safely tucked Mommy Dearest’s carcass in there for a short winter’s nap.

Just little magic and a vampire hunter’s help was all she needed to return to her True form (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean?). PsychoRic took the dagger and shoved it in Bexter. That cheap foundation always turns all ashy and gray when your veins desiccate! After a brief pause, Esther gasped awake only moments after Bex fell to the ground. At least they were separate again!

SOCIETY MAVEN RETURNS, LARGE AND IN CHARGE
(aka How to turn a gymnasium into a dancehall in several semi-painful steps)

Caroline Forbes was back at the helm of Decade Dance prep at Mystic Falls High, since Bex was so RUDELY MIA! Caroline was busy ordering minions around while gossiping with Elena. So Ric was trying to pull himself together. That’s bad why? Elena wished she could do something (she‘s always meddling). One discarded monstrosity chandelier later (aha! We think it was stolen from ’Forgotten Objects’ in the TVD Facebook Game) Car was snipping at Matt and Jeremy. Those fake iridescent stars were supposed to have the Trickle Down Effect, not just hang there like dead cardboard!

The boys were amused, and bromancy. Elena explained she asked Matt to help Jer readjust. Matt even got Jer his old, low-paying, uninsured job back at The Grill. Jeremy was stressing about the Alaric thing. How about a little Barbie Barb? Just stress, or maybe witnessing Elena and Damon getting all hot and heavy at a skeevy motel? Elena hadn’t told her that for torture purposes! Gossip Girl! Speaking of gossip, Caroline inquired who Elena was bringing to the dance.

Um, weren’t she, Caroline, Bonnie going as girl dates?. Get to the good gossip! Bonnie HAD a date. Jamie called, wanted to see her, so she asked him. Totally Team Stelena, Caroline prodded Elena to ask Stefan. Elena got all squirmy that she couldn’t ask him out after making out with his brother. Would that make her a vamp slut? Stow the morals, Gilbert! We need some action up in here! Car pointed out the Bachelorette Elena plan, since she was supposed to be figuring out what (who) she wanted per Stefan, right? It’s Stefan’s turn, fair is fair. He gets the rose, Stef is Elena’s epic love, and Car’s not backin down on Stelena without a fight!

BACHELORETTE SUCCUMBS

Well, it certainly didn’t take a lot of argument before Elena called Stef and awkwardly asked him to the dance. Blushing, pacing, and stammering, she stumbled through knowing they couldn’t go back to the way things were, but she wanted to go with Stefan. Satisfied and wistful smile from the other end of the connection. He’d love that. Reciprocal embarrassed smile on Elena’s end. Great, Bye!

Elena and Stef both looked smugly pleased with themselves. As usual, we had an eavesdropper, and it wasn’t just our reporter! Damon was thinking maybe a gardenia wristlet corsage.. Wouldn’t want to accidentally stab Elena in the chest with the pin—messy. “Damon, I“….bitter nod and Damon departure. Round went to Stefan. Poor Woobie!

MYSTIC FALLS MEDICAL CENTER ENDORSES HERBAL ESSENCES

After witnessing the crushing blow that was The Bachelorette Plan, Damon was off to sneak up on Dr. Meredith over at Mystic Falls Medical Center. He was in search of medical advice for a friend. She remembered, Alaric? About 6’2”, tried to hack her into pieces? Meredith was genuinely concerned–how is he? Are those herbs that Bonnie made for him working? Dunno Damon produced a small apothecary jar from his pocket. Can they work if he doesn’t take them? Damon found them in Ric’s loft untouched. Dun, dun, dun!

A SPOT IN THE WOODS

The Salvatore Tomb is the new partay hangout! PsychoRic was unaware, so Mommy Dearest explained. Ages ago (and we DO mean Ages), her son performed half a heart transplant on her. The violence of her ‘death’ marked this ground for all time (Where? We don‘t see no marks!). Inside, Esther had all set up a miniature Potions cauldron from Hogwarts but she needed PsychoRic’s GetOutOfDeathFree ring. Why would he give her the one thing that protects him from death (squirreled up reminder of what he said to Bexter about The Doomsday Stake in the Lockwood Cave last week). Protection? He won’t need no stinking protection, she would give him all the protection he needs. But ya know, The Doomsday Stake will incinerate along with the first and only victim. If PsychoRic was gonna take out the whole litter, Esther needed to bind the protective magic in The Ring to The Doomsday Stake. Oh, no, readers! Not another Binding Spell! This spell would make the White Oak indestructible.

PsychoRic thought about it for, oh, half a second, dropped it in her hand, and she unceremoniously plunked it in the mini-cauldron, chanting. Damn thing flamed up like barbecue starter, PsychoRic looking intensely on, until WHOOSH! Flame be gone! Esther stirred the butt end of Doomsday in the molten metal, and it drizzled down the length. The ultimate weapon for the ultimate hunter. Stake 2.0! Props to @MizzMagui for that little gem! Well damn, now it’s recyclable!

SOCIETY NEWS

How do former “friends with benefits” go back to first date status? We caught Stefan, the dapper Southern Gentleman in a Rebel flag tie arriving to escort Elena in her 20s garb to the Decade Dance. Were they both blushing? In a very sweet moment, he produced a single white rose corsage and pinned it on for her (Bwahaaa, didn’t take Damon’s wristlet advice, and doesn’t the rose ceremony usually come at the END of an episode?). They gazed (and we do mean GAZED) deeply into each other’s eyes. Stef decided to break the emo tension by snarking about their dangerous dance karma. Hey, gettin out of bed is dangerous these days (especially in skeevy motels *ahem*). But they have to live their lives. Who gave her that horrible advice? Oh, just some guy she used to date said it once or twice. Did you SEE Stefan’s dimples just then? Shall we?

Over at Charleston Central, we caught up with Caroline giving Matty advice to the loveworn. Didn’t he look so cute in that little cap and vest? She was resplendent in long red fringe! Car not so gently advised against him fallin deeper for Elena. One way or the other, she‘s pretty much spoken for. On the defensive (um, Matty, quarterbacks play offense), Elena was his friend, he was just lookin out for her. And Car‘s just lookin out for HIM. Sometimes the people who love Elena get caught in the crossfire. Frown.

Wait! Was that Mac Daddy Tyler (can we make it Mak Daddy for us, please?) What a gansta getup, fedora and all! Car went on high alert. If Klaus sees you—what’s he gonna do, draw her another picture? Tyler said he could pretend he’s sired if he has to! He’s not gonna hide while Klaus is mackin all over Caroline! Tyler IS jealous and competitive! It ain’t easy bein green! Then he swept Caroline off her feet! Literally! Giggles!

Emo tension relieved, Elena and Stefan arrived, with her prodding to see his moves—ah, he claimed to have been blacked out for most of the 20s. Nice try, get dancing! Our happy couple started in with a Charleston, which quickly ended, going right into a romantic rendition of “You Do Something To Me“. Slow dance embrace, just like riding a bicycle. Sigh! [We pause to give serious credit for the always fabulous musical selections in Mystic Falls. It was another week of greats!] They made small talk about Bon and Jamie, with Stef wanting to apologize to her. Elena agreed, although Bonnie wouldn’t expect him to—him or Damon. Oops!

Listen, Stefan, about their trip—he interrupted. It’s a need to know basis. When all this is over, if He and She find their way back to each other, she could tell him if she wanted to. Otherwise he doesn’t need to know, doesn’t want to know. How can he be so fair? After all he’s put her through, he was just honored to be her date. Oh, Stef’s been takin seduction lessons! Slow smexy dip, followed by a graceful under the arm turn. And when he held her tight again “…that nobody else can do“–Cockblock!

Damon! (Mr. Somebody Else) We three need to talk. Jeremy (nice yellow vest!) observed them exiting the ballroom and followed. On the way out, he bumped into Bon and Jamie. Hey, Bon! Bonnie demanded to know why Jeremy was still wearing his GetOutOfDeathFree ring? He knew all about Alaric (you know, we never know what this boy knows or what‘s been compelled outa him!). Until his sister stops hanging out with vampires he’s wearin it! Ex boyfriend? Yeah. That’s not awkward at all!

HIGHWAY
 THREEWAY TO HELL

The three-way moved to the hall. Elena wanted to find a cure if Alaric’s sick, but Damon reminded her they tried both medicine and magic. Stefan recommended they get him off vervain and compel him. Damon wasn’t in 20s finery, he was in badassery mode. The guy we knew is gone. This psycho is someone who not only hates vampires but vampire sympathizers, which makes one of his most obvious targets, I don’t know, YOU, Elena? Stefan was incredulous. You think he’d go after Elena? Damon side eyed him for that quip. Elena wanted to know just what was Damon suggesting. Put him out of his misery. WHAT?

Jer picked that moment to make our threesome a foursome. No way in hell! Oh, come on, guys, it’s what RealRic would want. It’s a mercy killing. Jeremy proclaimed Damon out of his mind while Elena tried to play peacemaker. Talk to the hand, Elena. Jeremy stomped out. Elena exchanged looks with Damon and Stefan and followed after Jer. Stef and Damon locked eyes as well. This was not good!

Elena tried to stop Jeremy outside, but he was MAD! This was Alaric they’re talking about. He looked out for them, they need to do the same for him. Elena promised no one was gonna hurt Ric. We were with Jer. Yeah, right. Oh, Elena! It was Evil Esther, sneaking up on them.

She *ahem* suggested Elena come with her if she wanted to help Alaric. Elena ordered Jeremy inside to get Stefan and Damon NOW! He was off in a flash. Here came the famous Esther words, “I mean you no harm.” Willingly or not, Elena will come. And she went.

Here were the Three Musketeers charging out, Stef in front, Damon in the middle, Jer bringing up the rear. To a point. Stef and Damon stopped cold (invisible wall noise) and Jer just kept walkin. He turned around like WTH? Here was a fifty yard goal line of salt, running all around the school. Salt. It’s a binding agent for a spell. They’re trapped there! Trapped like rats!

LOITERING AT MF HIGH

Jamie and Bonnie escaped the dance festivities (read, snuck off to a classroom). Bonnie went all complimentary about Jamie’s dance moves and making a good impression on her friends. Her friends seem pretty cool, but this whole circle of people is kinda cra-cra! Vampires, werewolves, ex-boyfriends with magic rings. Jamie’s just a normal guy. Bonnie stammered that a normal guy wouldn’t have said yes to a date with her. True.

A little lip glancing, and Bonnie launched herself at him! The first chaste kiss wasn’t enough and BAM! They were all about the tongue-twister! Does this constitute incest once removed? Suddenly, click went the lights! Cockblock! It’s Damon again! If I ain’t getting any, nobody else is, either! Sorry to spoil your seven minutes in heaven. C‘mere, Houston, we have a problem.

COME OVER TO THE DARK SIDE

Walking along in the dark, Esther begged Elena’s forgiveness for taking her from the dance. It’s the burden of being The Doppelganger. Elena’s blood is a potent binding agent for a witch’s spell. Tell us something we don’t know! Elena begged Esther not to hurt Alaric. A male voice was heard: “She’s not hurting me.” Elena wanted to rush to him, but something stopped her. His look. What was going on, what was Esther doing with Alaric? Esther wanted to remake him. To make him strong, fast, like her children. Indestructible.

For one final time. She was going to tap into the dark magic she used a thousand years ago. Like her husband Mikael before him, she would make him into a True Hunter, The Vampire to End All Vampires. You’re gonna what? What if he turns out to be an even bigger monster than her children? Esther was confident he wouldn‘t. Now that PsychoRic embraced his inner Darth Vader, his hatred for them will be more pure and uncompromising. In death, that hatred will be magnified. Elena was beside herself (not literally, we have enough of that!). Esther doesn’t know that, she doesn’t know anything about RealRic! Buzz! Wrong! Every time RealRic died with that ring on Evil Esther was there, weaving her evil spell from the Other Side. She nurtured him, every death brought him closer to his true self. Vampires took everything from him, and now he’s gonna get his vengeance. This just got terribler and terribler!

DON’T GO AWAY MAD

Tyler and Caroline were still at the dance, slow jamming to, “Someday he’ll come along, the man I love….” Tyler eye cut to Klaus’ arrival. Hmmm? Gee, where you been, mate? Klaus didn’t recall giving Tyler permission to leave town. Mind if he cuts in? Caroline DID mind. Big time. Ty did a not-so-convincing bow out, but continued to glare at them the whole time! Car demanded to know why Klaus always had to prove he’s the Alpha Male—ah, but he doesn’t have to prove anything, he IS the Alpha Male! One dance. He won’t bite. Cheeky bastard.

Klaus told her he was leaving town the next day, and that he would invite her but she’s not ready. One day, in a year or a century, she’ll turn up at his door and he can lay the world at her feet. Yadayadayada. She’d get bored with a small town boy, and a small town life wouldn’t be enough for her. Caroline looked apprehensive and uncertain. Klaus left her gaping on the dance floor, seduction plan renewed. On his way outside, Klaus called and left Rebekah a voicemail about how ticked he was he came to this dance because of her and she didn’t even show! Oh, gee, what’s this? A salt lick? Stef walked up behind him—your mother’s back!

THE REMAINDER OF THIS EDITION

SPONSORED BY THE WHITE BARN CANDLE COMPANY

In another classroom (or the same one, who knows), Bonnie chanted over candles as Jer, Klaus, Damon, Stefan, and Jamie watched. Klaus was impatient…what’s taking so long? All boundary spells have a loophole. Matt came busting in—people are walking right out of the dance, past the barrier. That gave Jer a brilliant idea. If Matt and he can leave they could stop Esther themselves. They just gotta find her. Oh, yeah. Suicide.

Klaus seized Jamie by the short hairs–no, by the throat. Suicide would be would be disappointing Klaus. Work faster, Bonnie or Klaus will (wait for it) “Start killing people you fancy.” Yawn. Well, Jamie wasn’t yawning. Let him go! Stefan reasoned with Klaus’ twisted logic. Don’t be stupid. Bonnie doesn’t give a damn about us. She’s only helping to save Caroline and Tyler. You start killing the people she cares about and she’ll tell us all to go to hell. Well, that convinced Klaus. Point for Stefan!

HEART AWARENESS MONTH

These witches and their candles! Back at the Tomb Partay, Esther stooped to lightin ’em up the old fashioned mortal way, as Elena and PsychoRic had a standoff about her not knowing who he is. Elena only knows the weakest parts of him. A man who lost his way, befriending vampires instead of killing them. They’re all monsters. The blood of their victims was on his hands. Jenna’s blood. Don’t go there, PsychoRic! Elena pled with him, then announced she wouldn’t give her blood, they’d have to kill her. Oh, no, they don’t! Esther can just take it!

Elena had a tiny standing coronary, clutched her heart, and a slice opened up in her palm. Well that was convenient. We didn’t have to witness another one of those eye-scrunching self-mutilations! Esther grabbed her hand and squeezed out a copious amount of blood into the mini-cauldron she used to melt Ric’s ring in. Drink! And let it be done. And he guzzled it down like a cheap bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. Is it finished? Nope. Not just yet. And she staked him with Stake 2.0 to Elena’s gasping horror!

A CHOICE OF CHANNELS

Needing a locator spell, Bonnie ripped down a convenient local aerial map and spread it out on a teacher’s desk. Damon walked in (followed by Klaus) with a little Jeremy blood donation for the spell. Did they really have to lurk over her shoulder? Still mad at Damon for what happened to Abby? Let him give you the patented Snarky Damon apology speech. He was sorry Elijah forced them to turn her mother into a vampire to save Elena’s life. He didn’t exactly have a choice. There’s always a choice. Yeah, bad and worse. Bon retorted that whenever Damon makes a choice someone else suffers. Klaus just wanted to cut to the chase. Bon dumped the whole test tube of Jer’s blood on the map (whoa, didn’t she just need a few drops last time she did this?) and started her mantra. Bonnie got a headache (but no nosebleed)—Esther was fighting her! Klaus absent-mindedly mumbled she couldn’t possibly have this much power, unless she’s channeling something. (Shirley MacLaine, possibly?) A hot spot. Wifi? Get the humans ready, Klaus had figured out where she is!

Caroline, Stef and Ty were impatiently waiting back in the gym-turned-dancehall. Everybody was gone but the supernaturals! Somebody clued Stefan in, since he told the unhappy couple it was goin down at the Old Cemetery, that Matt and Jeremy were headed there. And you LET them go? SMH! They had no choice right now, stuck in this dancehall with no band! Caroline saw how troubled Stefan was, and reassured him Elena would be fine, and always manages to find a way through this “stuff”. Stef was just as worried about what Esther was up to. Esther led Klaus to the dance for a reason, and if she succeeded—Tyler finished the sentence. Klaus gets killed and I’m history. No one’s gonna die, okay? Bonnie’s still looking for a way around the boundary spell, it’s not too late.

Stef left Car and Ty alone so Little Miss Optimism could discuss the best case scenario. Bonnie gets them outa there, Klaus hauls ass to Timbuktu, and she and Tyler would be home free. Frequently the pessimist, Tyler interjected the flipside. They let Esther come and kill Klaus. Um, that’s not best case scenario, Ty. Not even a remotely acceptable scenario. Yes, well it would be an option if they knew Klaus wasn’t the one who turned the Salvatore bloodline. Car would be safe, and at least Klaus would be gone. How could Ty say that? Because he’s angry, because he HATES him! He shoulda never let Klaus dance with her! (Um, isn’t the threat of DEATH more important than dance partners?) What was Car supposed to do? Klaus can’t know that Ty’s not sired anymore. It didn’t matter how many times she danced with Klaus, she loves you! Let’s neck!

TEMPORARY RESURRECTION RUMORED AT THE OLD CEMETERY

Following PsychoRic’s short (and frequent) demise, Elena pulled Stake 2.0 out of his chest. He would wake soon. On the wrong side of the coffin. He may for a time be his old self. Elena could say her goodbyes before his transition was complete. Uh-oh. Elena went all preachy. Esther said she wanted to undo the evil she created but this was just as evil! Alaric won’t ever be what Esther’s Little Rascals are. She granted him just enough power to complete his task. Then, poof! He’ll die. Well that just sucks! Die if you do, die if you don’t! How can he die if he’s immortal? Tut-tut, Elena, all you need to know is that when it’s over “we” will have rid the Earth of vampires once and for all. Hey, wait. You’ll be killing the good along with the bad (Esther believes there ARE NO GOOD VAMPIRES)! Esther’s no better than Klaus! No? Mother Earth desires a world where Elena and her loved ones will not suffer at the hands of vampires, like Aunt Jenna did. Don’t you even tarnish her name with your nasty mouth! Elena might find comfort in the fact that Jenna didn’t get stuck in Other Side limbo torment—she remained pure, even though she was turned, so she crossed over in peace (go into the light, Carol Anne!). Twig snap!

Esther went outside to investigate and got ambushed by Matt with his trusty rifle and Jeremy with ye olde crossbow! Elena came running after (as usual). Well, how foolish to risk their lives in defense of those who would kill them! (speak English, witch!) If that’s their choice, well, Esther would just see about that! The old girl got power to spare! She made them draw down on EACH OTHER! Matt couldn’t stop! Just as he was about to give Jer another hole to breathe from, WHAP!

RealRic came out of the tomb and used Stake 2.0 on Esther. Duh, where’s my ring? That was the giveaway that it was RealRic. He wanted to know what happened. Oh, dear. How do you tell your faux father-figure that he’s a goner?

Our tomb raider reporter called in about this time to get permission to ask Siri to undo all of this!

STRANGE BEDFELLOWS SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL

Pacing the Salt Lick, Klaus told Stefan it was all his fault for releasing Esther. He wondered if revenge would prove worth the cost. Stef was done with revenge. Esther, meh, we stopped her before, we’ll do it again. Klaus quirked they made strange bedfellows, that it reminded him of their time together in the 20s. Yeah, like Stef had happy memories about it. Klaus was kinda misty, there were moments, friendship. Oh, Klaus, you and your I-Want-A-Buddy fetish. Brotherhood. Cue Damon—he already has a brother. Damon won’t pee on your trouser leg to mark his territory or anything. Yep, Klaus smugly acknowledged the Salvatores and their unshakable bond. Wonder what will happen when Elena finally makes her choice? Will we see you shake, just a little bit? Damon lost his sneer, Klaus found his, and Stefan cast his eyes downward. Bonnie broke the tension by announcing “It’s done! Esther’s not fighting me anymore.” Boundary spell broken! Klaus tested it like an electric fence at the gulag and took off! Stef thanked Bonnie, for everything—she didn’t do it for him.

OBITUARIES?

[WARNING: Break out the Kleenex. Just sayin.] The Salvatore Tomb Partay def took a turn for the morbid. Jer came inside to tell RealRic and Elena that Damon arrived and Klaus took Esther’s body (damn, she sure gets lugged around like a sack of potatoes). RealRic asked if Klaus knew about Stake 2.0? Nope. Only that Esther tried to turn Ric into a weapon and failed. Jer sensed an air of “something” between his sis and faux-dad. RealRic tried to break it to him gently. He wasn’t gonna complete the transition. His inner Darth Vader was dangerous enough as a human, he cant be a vampire. So they’re just supposed to lock him in the tomb and let him die? NO! They can’t!

RealRic felt like after all he’s done, maybe he has it comin. Jer was disgusted. Elena tried to tell RealRic it wasn’t his fault. Come on, kids, don’t make this any harder than it already is. They should go, brobuddy Damon’s there, he’ll make sure it all goes down the right way. Jer was troubled. Didn’t want some crap speech about being the man of the house. They hugged it out with Jer choking back tears, and he left in search of a man-hankie. RealRic turned to Elena, who was already crying and proclaiming it was all her fault (is there a huge fault line running through Mystic Falls residents this week?). He had moved out and given her the GetOutOfDeathFree ring back, and she whined and forced him to stay and take care of them. Hey, don’t. Taking care of her and Jeremy was the closest he ever came to the life he always wanted. Boohoo!

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
– Dylan Thomas

Elena finally, tearfully let RealRic escort her from the tomb, and outside was a pre-funeral. All RealRic’s friends, solemnly gathered around candle-torches (remember the Candlelight Vigil some of us did for Matty when Kat compelled him to taunt Tyler to death?). Survivors in attendance were: Stefan, Damon, Caroline, Tyler, Matty, Bonnie, Jeremy, and Meredith. “Be still and know that I’m with you.” Just wow. Alaric sadly turned, walked back into the tomb, and closed the grate. Waaaaaaaa! The more we listened to that song, the more we heard in our tiny pea brains, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil….” We just creeped ourselves out…

ARTISTIC TEMPERAMENT REARS IT’S UGLY HEAD

Oh, yeah. Rebekah was havin a little nap at home during all this drama. Our resident artiste Klaus undaggered her. While waiting for her wake-up call, he walked over to where he had redeposited Esther’s body in a coffin. Let’s talk to the dead! Your trap failed, Mother. I live, and I will go ON living (um, technically you’re dead, dude).

Let your beloved spirits try to preserve you again, witch! I DARE you to come after me! I’m gonna SHOUT at you since you’re laying there powerless! YOU WILL NEVER DESTROY ME!

HOW TO END A FIRST DATE

Jamie escorted Bonnie home (did he miss the funeral?) He tried to console her, that there was nothing she coulda done. Didn’t make it any easier. He shoulda said it before, but Jamie thanked her for protecting him. Apparently it’s what she does. Jamie told her she was really pretty amazing. Sometimes she’d settle for just ordinary. Um, her dad’s outa town, right? She gonna be okay by herself? No, she doesn’t think she is. Hmmm? Interesting way to end a first date, Bon?

UNDERAGE DRINKERS BREAK INTO MYSTIC GRILL AFTER HOURS

A silent alarm went off at The Mystic Grill late that night. Somebody had a key! Matt practiced his bartending skills for Jer, pouring both of them a much needed stiff one to throw back in honor of “Mr. Salzman”. Alaric. Clink and chug. A lone tear trickled down Jer’s face. Several hundred trickled down ours.

JANITORIAL STAFF AT MF HIGH REPLACED

Stef took Elena back to Ric‘s office at school, and she went nuts packing up Ric’s hunter gear before some janitor found it, busying herself frantically to hide the fact that the history teacher was a vampire slayer. Stef was trying to calm her, but she would not be calmed. She couldn’t think about the fact that she and Jeremy don’t have anyone left to take care of them anymore, or that they’ve lost another friend. She just wanted to stay busy. Stef wanted her to come with him. He calmly led her into the now empty gym turned dance hall.

It was in that place that he denounced his feelings. He thought he hit rock bottom in the 20s, but after he bit Elena he never wanted to feel anything again. But “someone” kept telling him it was okay to feel, no matter how much it hurt. That emotions are what make us human. Good or bad. And to never lose hope. Who gave him that horrible advice? Some girl he used to date. Tears. She doesn’t have anyone anymore. “You have me.” And he held her and let her cry.

THIS STUFF’LL KILL YOU

Meredith had been inside and given RealRic a sedative, so he would fall asleep first and then go comfortably. Wait! That sounds like what they do in “death by lethal injection”! Damon offered to snap his neck to put him out of his misery, but Ric didn’t take him up on it. Surprised? You’d think a guy so used to dying wouldn’t want to drag it out. Swig! Damon couldn’t deal with this without liquid courage. Meredith thought it nice he gave Ric the option. Apparently Damon’s choices have been a little controversial lately. Meredith told Damon he shouldn’t leave Ric alone “in there”. It’s what he wants. Do you really think that? Okay, that got to Damon.

He took the bottle inside and slid down the wall next to Ric. “Is this the part where you give me a dream? Rainbows and rolling green hills?” Bromance kicked in, sadly enough. Hey, Damon was drunk when he told Ric that! Yeah, and Ric told him he’d use it against him! Damn you. “Sorry I killed you. Twice.” So Ric had to actually die to get a real apology out of Damon? Damon offered him the bottle. Ric had been thinking about cutting back. Yeah. This stuff’ll kill you. Ric had tears brimming over, and begrudgingly took the bottle and a long pull.

FIRST DATE NIGHTMARES

We peeped in Bonnie’s bedroom window while all this sadness was going on, only to find her and Jamie spooning. Esther (spirit thereof?) appeared and said, “Your sisters need you to finish what I started, Bonnie.” Was that a vision? Jamie roused her, thinking she was having a bad dream.

CRY ME A RIVER

Ric drifted off and his breathing became labored. Damon witnessed every agonizing sound. As Ric’s head lolled to one side, Damon set down the empty and mourned the loss of his true friend, big alligator tears trying not to fall. [Our resident tomb raider called in to the pressroom to ask it they could just crawl up in his lap and pat his hair.]

By the light of a full moon, Damon made his way outside to find Bonnie, in what appeared to be a trance. He spoke to her, and she calmly threw MINDBULLETS at him! Once inside the tomb, Bonnie stabbed herself in the hand with Stake 2.0 (that at least made her gasp)

Held her bleeding palm to Ric’s mouth (damn, that didn’t take much) and he reared up as MR. INDESTRUCTIBLE VAMPIRE SLAYER! Who, of course, proceeded to go right for Bonnie’s jugular! She dropped to the tomb floor, and he stood up, 2.0 in hand!