Mystic Falls Messenger: TVD Recap Episode 3.13 “Bringing Out the Dead”

Mystic Falls Messenger

Oooooooh, we’ve got the moves like daggers! Never mind–it’s only a flesh wound! Klaus’ Knights that say NI–Bring out cher Dead!

Editor’s note: This week is screencap heaven for Ruthie. Or hell–take your pick, but THANKS!

DOMESTIC DISTURBANCES CONTINUE TO ROCK MYSTIC FALLS

MFPD made it’s regular run to Fortress Klaus–the combatants claimed they were fighting over the recent renovations. Skeptical? Klaus and Elijah nearly destroyed the lavish drawing room, something about removing a dagger tie-tack? At the bottom of the argument–Klaus kept his word about reuniting their family, and that pissed Elijah off.

So Klaus countered with the truth and a dagger conveniently removed from his brother, Kol’s, chest. Raspberries! I killed Daddy dead-dead with his own weapon. Forever! Elijah stopped raging for a moment, wondering why they still had boxed family takeout.

Finn was the bigger pain in the ass, because he got his dagger tie-tack over 900 years ago, while Kol was only indoctrinated into the club a hundred or so. Finally a fact: Because of Stefan having Coffin #4, that‘s why the box lunches. Domestic disturbance turns into murder confession! Klaus was ready to tell Elijah about their mother’s death, but he was stirring Kol’s tie-tack sinisterly through what we assumed was white oak ash for easy re-use!

Remember your oath of loyalty, Elijah! Thus having Elijah’s undivided attention, Klaus restaked Kol. (always and forever) “I need you to stand by my side. Be my brother. Help me destroy Stefan and I promise you our family will be whole again.” Song cue!

Always and forever
Each moment with you is just like a dream to me
That somehow came true
And I know tomorrow will still be the same
‘Cause’ we’ve got a life of love that won’t ever change

That’s just sick when you think about it!

DEAR ALARIC’S ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN

[We don’t expect this column to make a regular appearance. Everybody knows he has a shit love life.] Don’t drink and dial, don’t leave an open fifth on the counter as evidence. Take the aspirins out from behind the vitamins for those pesky I can’t remember what I whiskey-dialed at 2 a.m. calls. Apologize to your ward for bringing a psychopath home for an attempted booty call. Don’t feel guilty about yet another hung over scene–the whole town knows you’re an alcoholic!

Ding dong! Sheriff calling! Ric and Elena got the 4-1-1 on CSI: Mystic Falls forensic evidence that brought down the ME. Gasp! The murder weapon was one of the set from the Gilbert lakehouse. (We claim foul on the chain-of-custody!) Sheriff Liz confided the only clean set of prints were…Elena’s!

Just dying to share the news, Elena called Damon, out standing in his field (word pun). The 3-way convo (on speakerphone, dick!) centered around Elena not REALLY being a suspect, it was Meredith who looked guilty. And had access to the weapons. Ric reminded everyone that ME Brian Walters was killed days ago, and Ric didn’t show Meredith the goods (lol) till the previous night. For some strange reason, Elena kept defending Meredith–she refused to believe Ric’s luck with women is that tragic. Bwahaaa! Well, with weapons stashed everywhere (the school, his loft, Damon’s car, yadayadayada), could be anybody. Damon voted Klaus. Elena wondered if it was Stefan–who was cray-cray the night of the Wickery Bridge Fundraiser and pretty much capable of anything. That made Damon nostalgic for bunny-snacking pacifist Stefan. Oh, well, Damon begged off the convo for tea with an old friend!

There was Elijah, also out standing in the field. Ah, Damon’s favorite Original, back from the dead. He cleaned up nice. The Coffin Cut and Curl did a swell job on his hair. And he woke up with a note from Damon in his pocket! “Let’s get together about the destruction of your brother. XO XO. Damon.” Okay, was this gonna be a problem? Easy question: Any idea what kind of Klaus-killing weapon could be magically sealed in a mystery coffin?

MOTHER’S LITTLE HELPER

Grumpy Stefan, Abby, and Bonnie were observed sneaking into the Lockwood Cave, arguing. Bonnie squealed about the coffins, so Damon made off with the one Klaus wanted the most. Compelled a couple of Lockwood gardeners to get it in The Cave, since vamps are sealed out! [Well, that answers some of our reader’s questions!] Stefan reminded Abby of her open-the-coffin-hit-list status with Klaus. She started whining again about being powerless–tick-tock, witch. Stef didn’t believe you! Open the damn thing already! Klaus will soon call in the hybrid troops and they’ll all be memories! Ominous words: “Dig deep, Abby Bennett, and scrape out whatever magic you have left.”

Stef ran into Elena whilst leaving The Cave (that wench had on her track shoes, because she was EVERYWHERE this week!). Again with the “I need to talk to you.” Stef was focused on popping the box, don’t bother! Accusation: Did you kill the ME, Stefan? Um, why would Elena think that? Because she thinks Stef’s nuts. {SNARK ALERT} Believe what you want, Elena. Did you ask Damon if he killed anybody lately? Cold look. Exit. [Point goes to Stefan]

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN–THE DOCTOR THAT SAVED YOUR DAD’SLIFE TELLS YOU SHE KNOWS YOU’RE A VAMPIRE

Car went to the hospital to retrieve her dad and thank Dr. Meredith (and conduct a little girlfriend recon of her own) for saving him. Stop apologizing for your attitude, Dr. Meredith! We all know you have sucky bedside manner, are overworked, under appreciated, horny, steal blood, cheat death, nose around about vampires, and under suspicion for murder!

Car tried to play innocent–for a while, and asked to take her dad home. Meredith signed his discharge papers late last night to shut up his grousing about the vamp blood. Yeah, Meredith knows–called it medical curiosity (but lips are sealed).

Elena waited for Car in the hall, only to find out about Bill’s discharge. Wonder why he didn’t call? Car turned in her report on Meredith: she seems perfectly nice, btw. A little intense maybe. Ya think? Car thought it was sweet Elena wanted to make sure Ric’s not dating a total psycho. He’s family. Car attempted to call Bill and her vamp ears immediately perked up! Heard Bill’s phone from a remote storage room in the hospital. The slasher struck again! There’s Bill, stabbed in the gut!

Caroline pulled the knife out and slung it on the floor (convenient for later). As our reporter noted during the commercial break, “Car, he has vamp blood in his system.” Cue Bill *cough cough* Where am I?

THIS ITEM SPONSORED BY WHITE BARN CANDLES

Back at the Lockwood Cave, Abby complained to Bonnie about the décor. Bonnie complained that Abby only kept one grimoire. The lovely décor was courtesy of Family history, and of course, The White Barn Candle Company. {Here’s the story of a lovely lady, Who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them had hair of gold, like their mother, The youngest one in curls. Whoopsie. Wrong story. Except for the curls.} THIS mom loved her children so much she couldn’t bear to lose them, so she turned them into vamps. (now THAT’s love!) One of them is Klaus–the one they’re trying to kill with whatever’s behind lid #4.

Bonnie JUST NOW noticed a missing page in The Only Grimoire In Town. She’s read all the spells that won’t help. Abby used that page to seal Mikael in the tomb in Charlotte, burned it, and tried to block it out (dumb). Hey, Mom, it’s a sealing spell, not an opening spell! Abby pointed out the blood knot drawing on the next page [our writers have BIG questions about this later on!] Blood knot meant to bind the spell they need two generations. A bloodline. So unbinding it would reverse the spell and unseal it. Let’s work together! Um, brilliant-obvious, much?

STEFAN’S BEDROOM–HOT SKIN IN TOWN

Let’s not fight about Elena this week. The Salvatores would have so much free time! Let’s fight about wardrobe, and Klaus–which ends up being a fight about Elena. *sigh* Damon and Elijah concocted an old-fashioned brother sit-down and Stefan’s presence was required.

Wear the black shirt, Stef. Makes him look all villainy. *and the fandom collectively sighed, because they wanted more Shirtless Stefan!* This wasn’t a deal-making ruse, just a little time-buyer to get the wicked witches time to pop the top off the coffin. Grumble, grumble, grumble about stalling Klaus, Stef going postal on the hybrids, and undaggering Elijah. Hey, that WAS smart–Elijah‘s in vengeance mode. It‘s PERFECT!.

Stef recalled trusting Elijah got them screwed the last time they tried to kill Klaus. Damon trusts Elijah about as far as he trusts Stef. Not. And THAT goes both ways, doesn’t it? Okay, let’s fight about Elena! Oh, yea. The Kiss. If it wasn’t for Klaus, Stef wouldn’t have become such a dick and that kiss would have never happened.

(Did Damon just blame Klaus for kissing Elena? Bwahaaa!) Get ready, Stef, and get happy. They’re going to negotiate a fake truce, and Damon didn’t want your attitude screwing it up.

LOST IN TRANSITION

Caroline tried to get her transitioning dad to relax in a compelled to secrecy room at the hospital. He was freakin out since his bod was trying to complete the vamp transition. Sans blood. And he didn’t want any more help from Dr. Fell, thank you very much! Elena arrived (told ya she was everywhere) and the discussion centered on whodunit. Ah, of course he didn’t see and was attacked from behind! That’s the slasher’s MO! Car wanted Bill to drink the people blood, but he refused. Elena explained to him (like he didn’t already know) that if he didn’t feed and finish the transition, he’d die. He knew. He was prepared to do that. He just wanted out of the damn bloody smelling hospital!

HOUSEHOLD INVENTORY DOS AND DON’TS

Alaric took inventory of all his vamp stalker weapons. During the process, Elena returned home with the knife that stabbed Bill from the hospital crime scene. Yup, it was one from a crawl space in the Gilbert foyer, and Meredith knew where it was. The plot thickened! Elena still defended her. Ric ticked off where the inventory had been–that Meredith had been everywhere the weapons were hidden, AND that Brian had called her psycho the night of his death. Why try to save Bill Forbes only to kill him? They’d be idiots to ignore all the facts. Ric took the Bill knife to the police and sent Elena to be with Caroline in her hour of need. Please be careful, Ric (famous last words).

SOCIETY NEWS

Klaus-haus (shoutout to our Deutsch readers!) is rapidly becoming the IT place to be for parties in Mystic Falls! A small but lavish dinner party was hosted this week, complete with voluptuous snacks and questionable cold hors d’oeuvres! Elijah welcomed Damon and Stefan Salvatore in Old World style. Attire for the occasion? Salvatores in leather, Originals in GQ. Snacks in cleavage.

Klaus’ first words? “Elijah tells me you seek an audience.” Pompous much? Very much. Theme for the party: Terms of [Endearment] Agreement. As the group entered the sumptuous dining room, Stefan announced he didn’t come to eat, he didn’t want to come at all. He came for Klaus to hear them out. That got a Klaus-chuckle! “Well, we can sit and eat, or I can reach down your throats and pull out your insides. The choice is yours.” Geez, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Oh, wait. You killed your mother. Damon gulped. Stefan glare-smirked.

At the table, the group enjoyed wine (red–we assume it was wine!) and the people-food. Except Stefan. Just like little boys, Damon suggested they had agreed to would leave The Grumpy Stefan at home?

Fake smiles all around. Klaus thought it was such a treat having the four dine together. This became a game of brotherupsmanship. Small-talk centered on Damon undaggering Elijah, whose side Elijah was gonna be on, and sibling quarrels. Alert for an opening, Stefan reminded Klaus of his fear of facing “How I Killed My Mother” Rebekah. Where is she, btw?

Klaus trumped he came clean to Elijah. Diplomatic Damon asked Stef if he remembered when he killed their dad? Might want to dial down on the judgment till dessert. Okay, they’re present to make a deal, but it didn’t mean they need to kiss Klaus’ ass for seven courses. Bwahaaa! Pace yourself, Stef. Don’t you just love a good party?

IT AIN’T SPORTS, BUT WE GOT A FOOTBALL HERO

Car and Elena sat on The Forbes Porch and discussed the potentially guilty murderers. Not Tyler–Caroline can’t find him, and the sire-bond thing is a lame MO for the Slasher. Meredith looks guilty, even if she IS Ric’s potential love interest. And you know what? Liz is spending the first quality time with her ex hubby since Car was 10. Pre-mortem is the only way to spend time with an ex. Bwahaaa!

Okay, this is a serious scene, calm the eff down! Car was determined to force Bill to feed, and cried he was gonna die. Elena was overheard making one of those “pot calling the kettle black” statements that the only thing Bill had was his choice. Caroline hated him for trying to torture the vamp out of her, but she wanted to save his life.

She asked Elena what was the hardest part about losing your dad? Realizing all the things he wouldn’t be there for. The things that, um, you just need your dad for you know?

Huge tearful hugs. Matt walked up. Hey. Exchange Elena hugs for Matty hugs. Human bonding!

ELIJAH GIVES GOOD HISTORY

Back at the dinner party, clueless Elijah asked where the lovely Elena was tonight? Everybody else at the table almost spewed. Stef suggested he ask Damon? Klaus laughed–sorry, you’ve missed so much, bro, there’s trouble in paradise. Okay, the Salvatores were uncomfortable! Stefan threatened to leave, and Damon thought it best to keep Elena in the Do Not Discuss pile.

Tenacious Klaus wouldn’t let it go. The allure of the Petrova doppelganger. Still so strong. What do you say, Elijah? Let’s spill about Tatia! Given their shared affection for both Elena and Katerina [Elener and Kateriner lol We love the way he pronounces things]. Here comes the history lesson!

If he stuck around long enough, Ric would def be in jeopardy of losing his history post–Elijah‘s tales are so easy on the ears! Such a “turn” of phrase! Here’s the gist of his tale: When The Originals first settled in the New World there was an exquisite beauty named Tatia living there. Every boy of age wanted her, even though she’d had a child out-of wedlock. None loved her more than Niklaus. Klaus interjected yeah, there was ONE!

Stef finally got what our readers have known for ages. They both loved the same girl. Duh. Don’t interrupt Elijah! Mama Esther was a very powerful witch and didn‘t want her sons feuding over Tatia. Mama took her, and later they learned it was Tatia’s blood they drank in the wine the night Mama spelled them into vampires. Tatia wouldn’t make a decision between the two brothers (sound familiar?), Niklaus and Elijah “grew estranged,” verbally and physically fought. (Sound MORE familiar?)

But in the end they recognized the sacred bond of family. Family above all. (3 musketeers. All for one, one for all). Toast! Damon and Stef exchanged a look and got twitchy cheek muscles.

KUM BAH YAH FESTIVAL BLOWS UP

Bonnie and Abby were seen and heard chanting and holding hands over Coffin #4. Bonnie was pissed because Abby wasn’t trying! We just wanted to get back to the Dinner Party! In short, The Spirits weren’t punishing Abby for leaving Bonnie, that’s why they gave her the witchmares about opening the coffin. Bonnie had a sad motherless childhood (and pretended she was dead), Abby was sorry, but what could she do? She can help Bonnie. More hand holding and chanting. Flame on!

It almost worked! Bonnie HAD to call Damon. [Why does EVERYBODY have to call Damon all the time? lol] She’ll be right back (no signal in the Cave?)! Abby heard something. From the coffin. Flame on! Pop goes the Coffin!

TERMS OF [ENDEARMENT] AGREEMENT

Well, the text message from Bon to Damon said: “Getting closer. Need more time.” Elijah wanted to talk turkey. Klaus wanted to talk turkey NECKS. Damon pronounced the simple plan: Klaus gets his Coffin back, in exchange Klaus and the Original Extended Family leave Mystic Falls forever. Damon, Stefan, and Elena live happily ever after. No grudges. End of deal.

Elijah thought the deal sounded fair, and side-eyed Klaus. Pregnant pause. Klaus will never leave Elena and her doppelganger blood behind. She ensures he will always have hybrids to “fight those that oppose me.“ Just for grins, he suggested he did leave Elena there, under Salvatore protection. How long before one of them turns her into a vamp? Better yet, how long before she dies caught between their feuding? Each bro truly believes they’re the one that can protect her. Delusional! Klaus’ big counterpoint: “The worst thing for Elena Gilbert is the two of you.”

Damon looked down–Stefan side-eyed him. Too much! Damon left to get some air, with Klaus sending Elijah to “deal with it”. All this point counter-point made Klaus thirsty. Whadayasay Stef; after dinner drink? Gentlemen, um, Klaus prefers blondes. Blonde. The Other White Meat.

NOW SHOWING AT THE MYSTIC B-MOVIE THEATER

Matt walked Elena home, leaving Caroline to deal with her dying dad. He gave her his usual football pep-talk about the town being messed up, and none of them should have to live this way. Way to cheer things up, Matty! Cue the B-slasher movie theatrics. No electricity in the house, convenient flashlights, blood on the kitchen floor, bloody handprints on the walls and up the stairs.

Matt and Elena BOTH pulled out Gilbert WMDs and followed the trail. Another gut-stab victim. It was Ric! He wasn’t dead yet, but lost gallons of blood. Of course, he didn’t know who attacked him. Matt pulled out the cell phone to call who, 9-1-1? Liz? Pizza Hut?

With his dying gasps, Ric pronounced Elena had to kill him. Boy bling to the rescue (let’s hope it’s batteries are recharged)! Hang up, Matt! Elena decided Ric was right, and explained to Matt if he died a supernatural death, he comes back to life. Matt wanted to know how they know it was a supe wielding the knife. Well, we don’t, but Elena is (doppelganger)! Matt wailed, “This is messed up!” Welcome to Mystic Falls, Matty! Elena stabbed Ric in the heart. Oh, the horror!

TRYOUTS FOR THE LAMEST RUSE IN THE WORLD

While Damon and Elijah were out “getting some air” Klaus and Stefan traded barbs about who was responsible for driving a wedge between the Salvatores. Klaus won that one–because of Elena, Stef’s gonna lose his brother and only have himself to blame. Full of air, Damon and Elijah returned to the party, Damon demanding a counter to his offer.

Klaus sat down and picked the blonde out of his teeth. Here came the counter offer: He offered Elena’s future happiness. (low-blow, Klaus) Elena needs to be rid of “you lot” and fall in love with a human–who’s that nice blonde football player? Damon almost puked. Matt Donovan, really? Why not? They’ll marry, live a long and fruitful life, pop out a perfect family.

Yeah, and continue the Petrova bloodline. Every few hundred years Klaus gets a new doppelganger to drain and never run out of hybrids. A small return on his investment. The bros return the Coffin, Klaus insures Elena’s safety for the rest of her natural life. (what’s natural about Elena’s life?) Klaus wanted to bury the knife deeper (pun). “You know it’s best for her.” Klaus totes ignored Damon and offered his hand to Stefan–Do we have a deal?

Stef walked over, took Klaus’ outstretched hand, and said nice try. No deal. And it’s another domestic disturbance! Klaus shoved Stef’s hand in the fireplace. Elijah pinned Damon up against the wall in a choke hold (weak delivery)–“What are you doing? Stop!” (even less convincing delivery) Best actor in the scene went to Klaus for the “now bring me the coffin before I burn him alive.” Damon left like a good little minion to get the coffin, with Elijah in tow to supposedly keep him honest. Klaus promised when they returned to make good on the promise to hand over “our” family. Well, the ruse may have been lame, but it worked!

THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN

We peeped out of Caroline’s closet to witness Bill Forbes’ slow descent into oblivion. He and Car emotionally fondled her past school trophies and talked of how he supported her, even when she didn‘t believe in herself. He was obviously fading fast. She offered to call Stephen, Bill’s Insignificant Other, but they hadn’t talked in a while. Hmmm. Convenient way not to have to cast a role in the future. Bill told her to wait till it was over and the dust settled. Car kept trying to get Daddy Dearest to change his mind, since he was the strongest person she knows and could handle being a vampire!

He asked her to respect his choice, and told her even after all that had happened, she was exactly what he and Liz hoped she would grow up to be. “Don’t leave me Daddy!” Embrace. Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children. It’s okay. Tearful Liz at the door. This is life. This is what it means to be human.

THIS AIN’T NO COFFIN [COFFEE] KLATCH

In their respective brother’s absence, Klaus and Stef argued about The Missing Rippah, and the fact that Klaus would kill him as soon as the Coffin arrived, anyway! Klaus still wants a wingman! Elijah and Damon returned, with one of the tasty snacks carrying a tray. They forgot dessert! DAGGERS! Elijah finally showed his hand. AND his peeps.

Enter Kol, looking fairly dashing. Finn looked like a throwback to a heavy metal Renaissance-era motorcycle gang, with CRAZY eyes! Finn grabbed one of the daggers and shoved it through Klaus’ outstretched palm. (I do NOT talk to the hand!)

Klaus ran to the other side of the room–BAM! Rebekah! (Note she was STILL wearing the Jewel of the Vile–for those of you readers speculating who‘s got the necklace).

Bex had a dagger, too, and shoved it in Klaus’ stomach–for “our” mother. Kol pinned Klaus’ arms behind his back and Elijah pronounced the Salvatores “free to go”. This is family business.

OBITUARY

Bill “expired” in Car’s bed. Wouldn’t THAT be one more trauma to get over? Um, Mom, can I switch rooms with you? Car called Elena, who told Matt. (what, she didn’t have to call Damon? What is this town coming to?) Ric was still dead-undead on the floor. Will you stay with me, Matt?

Until he “wakes up“? Is THAT what they’re calling it these days? Of course! Matt’s the human potential baby-daddy left to comfort the supes! Lemme just wipe Caroline’s snot off my shoulder and you can find a clean spot to cry on about losing more family!

CONFRONTATION IN THE WOODS

Out to the woods on a foggy evening stroll home from a SUPER dinner party, Stef told Damon he was right about undaggering Elijah. Smart move. Wow. Actual acknowledgement of a job well done–going soft, Stefan! Snark! The bros fought (as usual) about the thank you and life saving tally. Stef reminded Damon if he’d have let Klaus off him, Elena would belong to Damon alone.

Ring, ring–Doppelganger calling! Damon ignored the call. Said he didn’t ignore the call for Stefan. “I love her, Damon.” “So do I.” Eye contact–semi-evil Season 1 glint in Damon’s eye. And the competition continues.

SERIAL SLASHER STILL ON THE LOOSE, SUSPECT CLEARED

Sheriff Liz, unfazed by her ex-hubby’s death, got on the phone to Elena instead of THE PRESS, to report the prime serial slasher suspect had an iron-clad alibi for Ric’s stabbing. Dr. Meredith Fell was called into surgery 6 hours earlier with tons of witnesses. Residents of Mystic Falls, be warned! Nobody is safe! Who can the slasher be? The Founder’s Council seem to be the prime targets. No wonder Liz isn’t reporting to the press.

*cough sputter* Ric came to about this time. Thank God the damn ring worked! At least they got him a pillow laying there on that hardwood! Matt and Elena exchanged worried and comforting glances.

RECYCLE YOUR EMPTIES! GOODWILL HAS A SALE ON SLIGHTLY USED COFFINS

Stefan apparently caught up to stalking away Damon so they could go check on Big Witch and Little Witch and their progress with opening the Coffin. Maybe make the night NOT a total bust. Uh-oh. Bonnie was on the nasty floor, but still breathing. In the distance (that vamps can’t go into), Damon could hear Big Witch breathing, too. And he saw the empty coffin. Not gonna do them any good, whatever was in it is gone!

FREAKY FAMILY REUNION

Rebekah just had a FIT over what Nik’s done with the new fortress–smash. That was truly fierce! Lol Klaus wanted the fortress to be for all of them, that they could all call home. (E.T. Phone home!) A place where they could be a family, and none of them would ever have to be alone again. [once more with the Klaus-whining about being alone].

Elijah pronounced–none of US will be *wink wink*. The rest will leave and Klaus will stay behind. Bex told him they were leaving him, right after she killed “that doppelganger wench”. Then you (Klaus) will be alone, “always and forever”. Klaus threw a pissy tantrum. IF YOU RUN, I WILL HUNT ALL OF YOU DOWN. Elijah threw that one back in Klaus’ face–you’ll become everything you hate. Mikael. More tantrum.

I’M THE HYBRID! I CAN’T BE KILLED! I HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ANY OF YOU! Ah, Klaus will be skeered when they have that Coffin. Uh-oh. Squeaky Inner Sanctum door opening sound. Everybody turned. Mamma’s back in town! Why didn’t she get a makeover like Elijah did, hmmm? Klaus turned into a sniveling 6-year old and stared at his feet.

In ominous Mom voice, “Look at ME! Do you know why I’m here?” Klaus thought she was here to kill him. {Luke, you are my son and I forgive you.} She’s batshit crazy! She turned to the remainder of her Clan of the Cave Originals. “I want us to be a family again.” Dun, dun, dun! And I want a haircut, a wax, and new clothes. While I’m at it, I want to burn that ugly red dress you’re wearing, Bex!